Christen Teague may be a mother of three now, but there was a time when Mother’s Day hit her like a ton of bricks.
As the mom wrote on Facebook, she suffered two miscarriages before getting pregnant with her first child.
Christen now calls her three children her “mountaintop view after walking through a long valley of pain and loss.”
I spent the first two Mother’s Days of my married life smiling all day and celebrating all the women I love and then crying myself to sleep. Everyone was so tender with me, but at the end of the day I was a mama with no baby in my arms and that reality always hit me extra hard on Mother’s Day. When our second miscarriage happened I was 18 weeks along. I walked into my doctor’s office expecting to learn the gender of the baby in my belly and walked out of the hospital the next day with empty arms. That is a grief I’m not sure I’ll ever get over.
Thankfully for Christen, the pain of her second miscarriage was eased by her delivery nurse, a woman who she calls “a literal angel from the Lord.”
Before leaving the hospital, the nurse wanted to make sure Christen didn’t leave empty-handed, so she gifted her a teddy bear and “the tiniest hospital bracelet, she’ll ever see.”
In the months that followed I promised myself that the teddy bear would always be somewhere I could see it — so that even if I got to the mountaintop view, I would never forget the valley of pain.
And now, as an exhausted mom of three where she’s “stressed and covered in baby puke,” she uses that bear to remember that these are the kind of days that she prayed for:
That even though I don’t get to sleep past 6am on a Saturday anymore, the pitter patter of tiny feet running into my room to wake me up is a sound I used to dream of hearing. With every move and every new baby, this teddy bear makes its way into a place in our kids’ rooms where I can see it daily. It’s my reminder of the over one thousand shots I’ve given myself in my belly to keep my babies growing healthy, tears shed every ultrasound when I heard a healthy heartbeat, and that glorious moment when I held each of my children in my arms for the first time on this side of heaven.
It’s because Christen knows the pain of having to watch others celebrate Mother’s Day when motherhood is something that you’ve always wanted, but never had, that she shares her story.
So if you are grieving this Mother’s Day, can I just say that I see you sister? I know you may be pretending like everything is okay (you don’t have to, by the way)… but I see you. I pray for you every single day. Maybe you’re grieving the loss of a child or another negative test this month. Maybe you’re grieving another month of waiting for the call that you’ve been picked to adopt a precious babe.
Whatever season you are in, whatever valley you’re trodding through- know that even so, God is good. In the valleys and at the summit, God is good. And while you are enduring your journey to motherhood- let me claim this truth for you- someday you’ll see your mountaintop view and it will be more glorious that you can even imagine. And you’ll appreciate every single second of it because you’ll know what you walked through to get there. Mother’s Day? It’s for all of us.
Happy Mother’s Day — to every single one of you — no matter your story.