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‘It Was the Wrong Baby’: Women Come Together to Reveal the Hurtful Things Said After Miscarrying

Dana Dewedoff-Carney is a mom who has experienced multiple miscarriages in the past. 

Dewedoff-Carney is also the creator of the organization known as RISE For Women. According to the organization’s website, their goal is to “empower all women”:

The Mission of RISE For Women is to empower all women. Because we believe in women. We stand with them. We want them to succeed. RISE For Women is dedicated to helping women thrive to their full potential in life by providing them with the tools they need to work their way up. To build. To grow. To RISE.

Most recently, the organization started a campaign in support of women who have endured miscarriages and infant loss, titled “Project Benjamin.”

RISE For Women

The project aims to show that sometimes “struggle does not have a look” and that fetuses lost due to miscarriages “matter too.”

RISE For Women

According to the Project Benjamin Facebook page:

One in 4 pregnancies will end in miscarriage or loss, yet how many women do you know who actually talk about it? We are the face of 1 in 4 pregnancies. …

We wrote down the common things people say to us before and sometimes even after knowing about our losses. The things said to us can sometimes hurt. Our babies matter too.

The Facebook page features a series of photos that showcase a handful of women who have experienced miscarriage or the loss of a child.

The women are seen holding a chalkboard with a quote written on it. That quote is something that had been said to them personally in the past:

“How many children do you have?”

RISE For Women

“Well, you can adopt.”

RISE For Women

“When are you going to have children?”

RISE For Women

RISE For Women said about this picture in particular:

People often ask Andrea when she is going to start having children. But she has one. An angel. 

They included the hashtag, “They Matter Too.”

“You’re so lucky you have one of each!”

RISE For Women

“Maybe it was meant to be.”

RISE For Women

Over a hundred different Facebook users commented on the photo shown above.

Many of them admitted that they have also been told this in regards to the loss they endured:

I been told this a lot by people when we lost our boy at 15 weeks this year.

How could someone say this!!! No he was meant for more…

Hurts when your own friends and family say this to you. Lost my first at 8 weeks.

I was told the same.

“It’s not a baby.”

RISE For Women

The organization explained:

At the age of 15, Aubrey was told her baby was not a “baby.” She had an abortion. Years later, she suffered a miscarriage. She again was told, “It’s not a baby.”

“He needs a brother!”

RISE For Women

“But he never lived.”

RISE For Women

“It was the wrong baby.”

RISE For Women

After discovering the child growing inside of her didn’t have a heartbeat, Dana was told by her doctor that “it was the wrong baby,” and that her body “was doing its job to get rid of it.”

“You should probably lose weight before you try again.”

RISE For Women

“Your third! You planned it perfectly!”

RISE For Women

This is really BethAnn’s fifth child.

“Stop posting pictures of your dead baby.”

RISE For Women

RISE For Women hopes that through their many campaigns they can “provide the resources to guide all women in directions to help them possess the tools needed to provide a better life for themselves and their families. The tools that will ultimately lift them up with hope, self-esteem, and the ability to make a difference in their lives.”


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