At least it was a memorable date.
As the U.K. man (who understandably wants to remain anonymous) wrote in a GoFundMe campaign, it began with a pleasant dinner with a woman he’d met on Tinder. After a “lovely evening,” the couple returned to the man’s home to watch a documentary and share a glass of wine.
Then things got weird.Screenshot/GoFundMe
At some point, the woman excused herself to use the bathroom. When she returned, she had the distressed look you get when you use the toilet at a date’s house and it clogs. In the embarrassment of the moment, she’d tried to dispose of the evidence. He wrote:
“I went for a poo in your toilet,” she told me, “and it would not flush. I don’t know why I did this, but I panicked.” She continued, “I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window.
To his credit, the man handled the confession with admirable grace and sensitivity. He wrote:
I was understandably concerned, and told her we would go outside, bag up the offending poo in the garden, bin it, and pretend the whole sorry affair had never happened.
Unfortunately for them both, he’d forgotten a critical detail about the house design. The bathroom window did not open onto the garden as they’d assumed. Instead, it opened into an 18-inch gap that was bordered by another (non-functioning) window.
The unfortunate date’s tissue-wrapped “package” was now stuck between those two panes of glass:
Seeing only one solution, I messaged our house group-chat, and went upstairs to find a hammer and chisel to smash open the window.
The woman, however, wasn’t as quick to admit defeat. Instead, she insisted on trying to reach between the two window panes and grab the package out using a plastic bag as an improvised glove. When he agreed, she climbed up, but couldn’t reach — even after climbing in as far as she could.
Still unwilling to give up, the woman asked for a little help:
Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came.
With the embarrassing faux pas behind her and “cleaned up,” the woman then tried to climb back into the house. But it didn’t go as planned:
She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window. She was stuck fast, upside down in the gap.
One can only spend so much time trapped upside-down in a window gap before it becomes an emergency. And after a few minutes, the man thought it was time to call for help:
Unfortunately for my date, at this stage, I could see only one way out of our predicament. She had been upside down in the window for around 15 minutes at this point, and I was starting to grow concerned for her health. I called the fire brigade.
Rescuers responded to the call within minutes and immediately set to work freeing the woman from the window. The good news is that she was out within 15 minutes. The bad news was that releasing her meant destroying the window.Screenshot/GoFundMe
That left the man with a repair cost of nearly $400, which represents most of his monthly budget as a post-graduate student. And that’s why he turned to GoFundMe and the internet for help:
If people could donate just a couple of pounds/dollars/yen/rupee/North Korea Won to help me repair my (now broken) window I would be eternally grateful. If the window is not replaced, my landlord may well kill me, so you would be literally helping to save a life.
If the fundraising campaign raises more than he needs to fix the window (a near-certainty as it’s now over $2,000), the man promises to split the remainder between the local firefighters’ charity and an organization that builds flushable toilets in the developing world.
While the man and his date don’t want to be identified, he did make sure that she approved of the GoFundMe campaign before posting it. Nor does he have any complaints about the firefighters destroying the window to save her. He added:
The guys who came to the house were brilliant, took everything in good humor, and professional. This call out was pretty funny, but they do risk their lives on a daily basis, and the firefighters charity provides financial, psychological and medical help to the brave men and women who risk their lives for us.