It isn’t that Caitlin Fladager doesn’t feel lucky in her choice of husband.
It’s just that his willingness to help around the house is no accident.
I have a husband that helps, but that doesn't mean I was "so lucky to find a man like that" Yes, I am lucky to have…
As the Vancouver mom shared on her Facebook page, she’s seen the reactions from other wives when she talks about her husband’s willingness to do chores or give her a weekend away:
When I say to someone that I’m going away for a weekend to meet up with friends, or that he’s cooking dinner tonight, or that he cleaned up and did the laundry, their faces look like I’ve told them a ghost story. Then comes the, “Oh my god you are so lucky!!! I need to borrow him. I need a man like that.”
But Fladager doesn’t see it that way. While she may feel fortunate to have found her soulmate, the cooking and cleaning have nothing to do with it:
Yes, I am lucky to have him. But him being what a father and husband should be like is not the main reason. […] We are a team, I pick up after him, he picks up after me, we take turns looking after the kids so we both get a break.
While some might see her husband’s willingness to help as exceptional, for Fladager, it’s just part of the give and take of a healthy relationship. She wrote:
Being in a relationship, especially with kids, takes a ton of work, from both sides. When he comes home from work, he comes and plays with the kids so I can make dinner. Then I will play with the kids while he cleans up the kitchen. I make dinners on the weeknights, and he makes breakfast every weekend morning.
As Fladager told Dearly, becoming a couple that shares household work came naturally as they learned to be parents:
“My husband and I got pregnant when we were 17. We had very little time to grow up. In that, we found what worked best for us, and that was sharing the load. It has worked for the past (almost) eight years.”
To suggest, as some have, that Fladager was “so lucky to find a man like that” suggests that the things her husband does at home are somehow “extra.” But Fladager sees it as their joint responsibility. And so does her husband:
We both have each others backs, we both do our share of ‘work’ at home and with the kids. That’s the way it should be.
And many of the commenters knew exactly what Fladager was talking about. Approaching marriage and kids as a team — rather than a division of labor — was continually referenced as the basis for a healthy and happy relationship.Screenshot/Facebook Screenshot/Facebook Screenshot/Facebook
Fladager was gratified to see so many commenters agree with her about sharing housework — especially as many people still view it as unusual for a husband to help around the house. She told Dearly:
“I feel like men helping should become more of a regular thing, not a ‘lucky’ thing. Love and compassion are needed in a solid relationship. It has nothing to do with luck.”
None of this means that Fladager doesn’t feel lucky to have her husband. She does. But that’s because of how they are together, not because he’s willing to do dishes.
“I am not lucky to have him because he does what a father should be doing, I am lucky to have him because of the person he is,” she said. “And who I am when I’m with him.”