A frustrated wife sought advice on how she should handle her meddling mother-in-law after she went behind her back and convinced her husband to change the spelling of her son’s middle name as she recovered from a c-section.
The mother said she made the shocking discovery that her son’s middle name is spelled “Finlay” instead of “Finley” on all his legal documents two months after his birth.
The new mom is fuming over her mother-in-law’s backhanded dealings with her husband and claims she secretly persuaded her son to change the agreed-upon name to “Finlay” while the recovering mom was sleep after surgery.
She wrote to Slate‘s advice columnist:
Apparently, his mother guilt-tripped him into doing this while I was asleep after my emergency C-section.
She tried to convince him to give our son a first name that I very much hated, saying that I would ‘get mad, but get over it.’
The woman explained:
I, of course, am furious, because I told him I was fine with the middle name but it had to be spelled Finley—and he agreed before our son was ever born.
It was while she was filing away her son’s Social Security card and birth certificate that she discovered her “manipulating” mother-in-law had “blatantly” chosen a different name for her son.
His mother even sent a Christmas gift to middle name ‘Finlay,’ and when I made a comment to my husband he didn’t even have the decency to tell me!
He just let me keep believing for two months that our son’s middle name was spelled Finley when it legally isn’t!
The mom then added:
My husband thought changing his first name was too much but apparently gave in to spelling his middle name the way his mom wanted.
She thinks that ‘Finlay’ is more masculine than ‘Finley.’
Her husband reportedly regretted the decision but was afraid to tell her about the sneaky name change. The woman wrote:
She manipulated my husband into thinking it was all right to lie to me about something as serious as the spelling of our son’s name.
Now that the mom has made the name-discovery she doesn’t know how to confront her mother-in-law and asked the columnist:
Do I approach her about this? Do I let my husband approach her about this? Do we approach her together? What should I say?
The columnist suggested, in part:
[Your husband] owes you a very significant and full-throated apology, and if he doesn’t see why then it’s hard for me to imagine that you are in a relationship with a trustworthy partner.
I don’t think I would talk with Mother. If I did, I would say only one thing: “Whether you let or encouraged your son to go behind my back and change the name of our child, it was an extremely shitty thing to do. You can rest assured that I will remember it for a very long time.” Then I would drop the subject and let this woman spend the rest of her days anticipating a retaliation that may or may not be soon coming.
What do you think? What advice would you give this mom, who says she’s done playing nice and needs answers from her mother-in-law?