A single father took to Reddit to ask if he would be an “a**hole” if he gave up his 2-year-old son for adoption because he feels “so tired and secluded from the world.”

As the father explained, he and his ex-girlfriend learned they were expecting a child during his senior year of college.

The girlfriend allegedly wanted an abortion, but because he was a Christian and had a well-paying job lined up after graduation, the soon-to-be father believed he had the means to take care of a child.

Josh Willink/Pexels

He continued:

In the end me and my girlfriend came to the agreement that the baby be born but that I would be a single parent since she did not want to have a baby this young. That fall the baby was born and after that she moved back to her home state (she went out of state for college) and I got my son. At the time me and my girlfriend were 21.

Flash forward to now, the single father is admitting to being overwhelmed.

According to the 23-year-old dad of one, his son is his only friend and between going to work and having to take care of his child, he has “no free time”:

All I do on my free time is go to the park with him, watch kids shows etc. My mom live kinda far away but she visits every few months and lets me have some alone time but it’s not enough. Also I basically have the same job I had when I graduated college with a slight salary increase, I have not been able to take any initiatives at work to qualify me for a promotion due to my parent responsibilities and a lot of people that started after me outrank me now. And I can’t date, like who wants a 23 year old guy with a kid.

I just feel unfulfilled and alone and it has started to take it’s form in a little bit of animosity against my son and I never want that to happen. I want to be a great dad that loves his kid but I don’t think I can be that, I’ve tried for two years. You always hear about this undying love you’ll have for your kid but I just never had that.

The single father then went on to ask if he would be an “a**hole” if he put his son up for adoption because he doesn’t want to resent him anymore.

He added:

So WIBTA for putting my son up for adoption? I would have to make sure he actually get’s adopted into a stable family like I grew up in and not into a foster home (don’t know how I would go about that though). The thing that makes me think that I am an asshole is that he has started to form an attachment to me and that it would be unfair on him to leave him and unfair on his grandmother that also has a good connection with him. But what makes me think I’m not an asshole is that I think that his childhood would just get worse the more lonely and unfulfilled I feel and that he’s better off with a more stable family. Please give me your perspective.

Soon after making his story public, hundreds of other Reddit users confirmed that putting his toddler up for adoption would make him an “a**hole.”

Many admitted that they understand the feeling of being a tired and lonely single parent, but that adoption is not the answer.

The single father later added that after reading the comments, he has decided to seek help for how he’s feeling:

I think I was just in too of a dark place to see how bad this post is and even if I got a lot of nonconstructive comments that hurt I got a lot of comments that really hit it on the nail with how bad it would be to follow through with this as well as giving me really sound advice. I am going to see a therapist because yea something’s wrong with my head and I need to figure it out.

The father added that he also plans on joining a group for single parents and looking into hiring help when it comes to raising his son.

He concluded: “Lastly I just want to say that I love my son and that I genuinely thought that him getting adopted by a stable family would be better for him when I wrote this yesterday but can now see how that can mess him up in so many different ways.”

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20 Replies to “Tired Single Father Says He’s Getting Help After People Slam Him for Wanting to Give Up 2-Year-Old Son”

  • Carol 2 years ago

    Dad would not be an a##hole for giving his son up for adoption. Right now he is feeling overwhelmed, better he gives him up than come to resent the child or abuse him. I feel sure there are couples out there who would love to have this little boy and provide him with a safe stable home.

  • Darlene 2 years ago

    Praying that you will find a lot more peace while you get some help. You’re feeling what most single parents feel…A single parents group is a great idea, sharing feelings and ideas, and intermongling with other single parents will Definately help! Hang in there…..parenting is hard but wonderfully rewarding, and your son will be Blessed forever with the presence of his own loving Father!

  • PBM 2 years ago

    It’s good you decided to keep the baby and seek help to do this. God gave you that particular child specifically to you for a purpose. Your needs can be fulfilled in variety of different ways. Your child cannot be replaced. You cannot be replaced. Bottomline: you love your child. That’s all that matters. (I am not knocking down adoption–people sometimes have to do that.) In a few years, you will have a best friend in the world. You are still young. You don’t know what bright future you have ahead of you–together.

  • Michael Bankston 2 years ago

    Dad is not being mean; it’s just that he feels he isn’t ready to be a father. I attended school with a girl who had a baby shortly after we graduated; she gave the baby up for adoption. Nearly 15% of married couples in the United States are unable to have children of their own. So I’m sure the father can find an adoptive family for his son. Adoption is a much better option than an abortion.

  • Anonymous 2 years ago

    It’s good that he was mature enough not to abort his child but actually take responsibility for him. Now that he’s a parent, he needs to exercise that responsibility. Life isn’t about him anymore and resenting his child for his actions is immature and selfish. There are a number of things he can do – get involved at church, seek counseling, hire a nanny, hire a babysitter so he can have a social life, join a support group, co-op with other parents, find a daycare, etc. The fact that he has a child doesn’t mean he’ll never date or marry. It just means now he’ll have to wait on God’s best and stop wasting his time sinning with girl’s like his ex. This may take years, but he’ll mature in the process – something that will benefit him, his child, and his future wife. By the way, there are MANY single women who opted NOT to abort, who were dumped by their child’s father, who are raising their kids alone… so, if he looks closely, he can easily find a partner in the same situatiom. Traumatizing his child in exchange for a social life is cowardly. Don’t do it.

  • JEAN f CRAIG 2 years ago

    FIND A GOOD CHURCH AND GET INVOLVED AND YOU CAN PROBABLY FIND SOME GOOD BABY SITTERS AND MAYBE A GOOD CHRISTIAN GIRLFRIEND. TURN TO OUR LORD FOR HELP

    • Anonymous 2 years ago

      Exactly! Get right with GOD and He will work it out.

  • irma williams 2 years ago

    My father was not in my life a whole lot because of his work, so my Mom pretty much raised us six kids as best she could and she did a great job. I know at times she had to have reached her limit but she never laid a hand on us, but would grit her teeth and rightfully so. I know your son at times may be alot to handle but he will not be little forever, and one day, if God wills, he will thank you , respect you and honor you for being what God is to us (unconditional love).

  • Patty 2 years ago

    Dear single dad….. God blesses you. You have been given the greatest gift….. a son. He will be part of you forever and you will be part of him. Parenting is never easy…. this I know. I’m a mom to a 20 yo son and a stepmom to a 18 yo. I have a 33 yo nephew that I call my oldest son. God blessed me 3x. There has been wonderful times and plenty of heartbreak. Now that my boys are grown, I look back and wouldn’t change a thing. I find myself even laughing at some of the stunts that were pulled. Some say “it’s gets easier”….. not really. Your worries are still there, they’re just different. Never a dull moment. Don’t blink Dad. Just enjoy the ride cause it’ll be over before you know it and the heart break continues…….

  • Chelsea todd 2 years ago

    Dear single dad i have 4 kids had my first at 16 i was alone there dad is not in there life at all but i love my kids and do the same go to work and everything for my kids i love them i would do anything for i went 2 weeks with out eating bc my kids ate first keep your head up u will get though it

  • Anonymous 2 years ago

    There should be lots of resources for single parents and good young ladies are out there. Take a breather! Spending time with Adults is part of a healthy balance in parenthood. Church groups usually also have the childcare. A suggestion of placing child in a safe place like playpen if feeling frustrated. Prayers! What a blessing he must be!

  • Janette 2 years ago

    So his girlfriend is okay for walking away from their son at birth…..but hes an a hole for choosing adoption? How is this just?? This father can plan an open adoption and still be part of his son’s life. Watch the video of a great adoption story at #ilivedonparkeravenue

  • Lauren 2 years ago

    If a new mother was going through this, everyone would call it PPD. It displays itself in many forms
    And yes… even dads can get it. He’s overwhelmed and depressed. He isn’t an asshole. He’s human.

  • Jessica 2 years ago

    I hope he reads this.

    Bless your heart. I’m 34 with help and I freak out when I get overwhelmed. It’s ok that you feel overwhelmed and it’s ok that you want to live your life. It’s all about finding a new balance and it is possible. There is nothing wrong with your head, it’s normal to not think clearly when your so tired and stressed. Having the thought and really thinking about your thoughts, is better than acting on them in an extreme way. Atleast you have that much sense. What a MAN you are to take the responsibility. There are woman who will date you, don’t worry she IS out there! Guarantee you, one day your son is going to see what you’ve done for him and he will have the utmost respect for you. He’s going to tell you thank you one day, and your going to cry. And you’ll realize all the stress was worth his happiness. You already have that undying love for him, you just can’t rnjpy the feeling because your worried about so much about just the every day of taking care of him. It’s hard to see this now, but You will be ok,

  • Jessica 2 years ago

    It’s sad this father is judged ado harsh for only wanting a better life for his son.. He made the choice to save his life by having him and he has every right as his father to give his son a chance I life and if that means giving his son two stable parents and a life her can not then it is his choice and should not beer judged.

  • Pearl Cason 2 years ago

    I would never give my child up .I had 5 kids of my and I was by my self. If you need help I would help if you was close by. I have helped alot of people .please don’t give up im sure everything will work out. I will help if you need me to .my kids are all growth up and have kids I love wat hing them grow up .Dont give up im sure someone will help you. You have alot of love for him. Dont give him up love him forever . It will be ok believe me it will be worth it keep him and love him forever.

  • Margarita Jimenez 2 years ago

    Please seek assistance, this can be overwhelming but there is hope and you must keep the faith. You are a very lucky person to be a father to such a beautiful child. It is a big responsibility to be a father, he looks up to you and needs your love as you need his. There is hope and within reach. Keep looking up.

  • Carlo moralez 2 years ago

    Your decision is yours bro. But if you do make sure that you could get him back once your life is settled, my daughter did the same thing and gave up her kids to her husband and family and imagine the rest. It has been like 20some years and I have never heard anything about my grandkids and my daughter had issues with drugs thanx to her uncle getting her hooked on heroin. But I am happy that I haven’t run into him because it will be ugly. Our kids are our only hope and strength to keep on living. So we hope that you make the right decision and will not have to regret it later.

  • Debbie 2 years ago

    This young man is a REAL MAN for doing the right thing & facing up to his responsibilities as best as he can! I wish I could help him watch his child. Hang in there, son. Read all the advice these people offer, and know this: you will be rewarded one day. 1) By God. 2) when you get older, all that will matter to you is your children- Gods greatest gift. Believe me, I know. I’ve been a single parent too.

  • Jus-ta dad 1 year ago

    Young man , your desire to care for the child born out of wedlock to a women of no less than desirable traits is quite admirable. At the mere age of twenty – one you proved your ability to make adult decisions . No doubt the women in question would have considered termination and without a doubt it was your rationales that swayed her to give birth , even with the knowledge that she was to severe all ties soon thereafter. You have fought once for your heir and with the immeasurable strength of God’s support you will continue your fight . Life sometimes catches you in the corner of the ring . Don’t back down and never stop fighting. Your son will one day be a fine man with his fathers admirable traits to call his own .

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