A single father took to Reddit to ask if he would be an “a**hole” if he gave up his 2-year-old son for adoption because he feels “so tired and secluded from the world.”
As the father explained, he and his ex-girlfriend learned they were expecting a child during his senior year of college.
The girlfriend allegedly wanted an abortion, but because he was a Christian and had a well-paying job lined up after graduation, the soon-to-be father believed he had the means to take care of a child.
In the end me and my girlfriend came to the agreement that the baby be born but that I would be a single parent since she did not want to have a baby this young. That fall the baby was born and after that she moved back to her home state (she went out of state for college) and I got my son. At the time me and my girlfriend were 21.
Flash forward to now, the single father is admitting to being overwhelmed.
According to the 23-year-old dad of one, his son is his only friend and between going to work and having to take care of his child, he has “no free time”:
All I do on my free time is go to the park with him, watch kids shows etc. My mom live kinda far away but she visits every few months and lets me have some alone time but it’s not enough. Also I basically have the same job I had when I graduated college with a slight salary increase, I have not been able to take any initiatives at work to qualify me for a promotion due to my parent responsibilities and a lot of people that started after me outrank me now. And I can’t date, like who wants a 23 year old guy with a kid.
I just feel unfulfilled and alone and it has started to take it’s form in a little bit of animosity against my son and I never want that to happen. I want to be a great dad that loves his kid but I don’t think I can be that, I’ve tried for two years. You always hear about this undying love you’ll have for your kid but I just never had that.
The single father then went on to ask if he would be an “a**hole” if he put his son up for adoption because he doesn’t want to resent him anymore.
So WIBTA for putting my son up for adoption? I would have to make sure he actually get’s adopted into a stable family like I grew up in and not into a foster home (don’t know how I would go about that though). The thing that makes me think that I am an asshole is that he has started to form an attachment to me and that it would be unfair on him to leave him and unfair on his grandmother that also has a good connection with him. But what makes me think I’m not an asshole is that I think that his childhood would just get worse the more lonely and unfulfilled I feel and that he’s better off with a more stable family. Please give me your perspective.
Soon after making his story public, hundreds of other Reddit users confirmed that putting his toddler up for adoption would make him an “a**hole.”
Many admitted that they understand the feeling of being a tired and lonely single parent, but that adoption is not the answer.
The single father later added that after reading the comments, he has decided to seek help for how he’s feeling:
I think I was just in too of a dark place to see how bad this post is and even if I got a lot of nonconstructive comments that hurt I got a lot of comments that really hit it on the nail with how bad it would be to follow through with this as well as giving me really sound advice. I am going to see a therapist because yea something’s wrong with my head and I need to figure it out.
The father added that he also plans on joining a group for single parents and looking into hiring help when it comes to raising his son.
He concluded: “Lastly I just want to say that I love my son and that I genuinely thought that him getting adopted by a stable family would be better for him when I wrote this yesterday but can now see how that can mess him up in so many different ways.”