As “Bachelor in Paradise” couple Jade and Tanner Tolbert await the birth of their second child, they are now ready to share that their very first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage.

The Tolberts recently shared a video on their YouTube channel in which they detail the loss of their first child. Further, they discuss the emotions they have experienced as a result of the miscarriage.

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I had a miscarriage. These words have burned inside me for over three years. I was honestly so scared to share our story, because I have always had this inner voice that’s said I don’t matter as much, especially when it comes to my struggles or my pain. My journey with my grief has been a rollercoaster, and so I’ve never even known really where to start with telling others. I’ve also been afraid to tell people Tanner and I got pregnant on Bachelor in Paradise while filming. I’ve been keeping this weight for a long time, but being pregnant now again, all these emotions have been on the surface for me. I just felt it was time to get it out of me and share our story and honor our baby. Thank you for all the kind words, they’ve made me feel very loved and have made me feel less alone. ❤️ (link in my bio for our YouTube video sharing the story) #ihadamiscarriage

A post shared by Jade Roper Tolbert (@jadelizroper) on

In the video, Tolbert said:

“You always hear about those couples who get pregnant after the very first time they have sex. I never thought that would be me, but it was. Add on top of that, that it happened on a TV show — in a Fantasy Suite — made things a little complicated, but this is the story of what happened to Jade and I.”

After the show’s end, Jade discovered she was pregnant while visiting Tanner in Kansas in the fall of 2015, Today reports. At the time, the two were newly engaged and had only known each other for about a month.

Although, according to Jade “it was a lot to take in,” she decided to move to Kansas City to live with Tanner because they were preparing to be a family. However, those preparations soon came to a halt.

Through tears, Jade said:

“Sadly we did lose the baby. At the time, I didn’t really grieve because I just didn’t know really how to process it. It was so much so fast. In a really bad way, it was almost like this relief, because we were in such a whirlwind.”

However, now that the Tolberts are married and have experienced what it’s like to raise and love their 1-year-old daughter Emerson Tolbert, their emotions have changed.

Tanner said:

“It’s hard to not be sad because, knowing how much I love Emerson today, I would have loved this baby that much, and I never got a chance to know him or her. It’s really sad to think about what could have been.”

The couple said they kept their miscarriage a secret because they were afraid of what people would think. However, they now realize “it doesn’t matter what people think.”

It’s their truth and they’re ready to live in it openly and fully.

The couple ended their YouTube video with a note to their “little ‘paradise’ baby”:

We love you so much and think of you often… and are so sorry we never got to meet you… But you will always be a part of our family

Love,

Mom & Dad

Since they’ve opened up about their experience, Jade said she has received tons of support from fans that have made her feel “less alone.”

Currently, the mom is just over 16 weeks pregnant with her second child.

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I am a journalist from the D(M)V, who is just trying to make every day count.

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