While half of Americans think it’s a good idea for couples to wait until marriage to have sex, for many, it’s easier said than done.
Only 3% of Americans end up actually achieving this standard. Of the ten million who wait, many do so to remain “pure” for their spouse or for other religious reasons.
Brianna Michaud took this pursuit of sexual purity a step further; she and her future husband didn’t even kiss while they were dating. Here’s her story:
“For most brides in this day and age, wearing a white dress on their wedding day doesn’t mean the same thing it used to.
It is a mere formality, nothing more than a treasured tradition, the symbolism and meaning behind it lost on a modernized moral worldview.
The white dress is supposed to symbolize purity. The purity of an unblemished bride being given away to her beloved on her wedding day. Sounds pretty old school, right?
Forget being a virgin on your wedding day, nowadays most newlyweds are already living together before marriage. Virginity is a thing of the past, or so the world and Hollywood would like you to believe. That’s why my story is so unique.
I was more than a virgin on my wedding day. While most brides spent their time meticulously preparing every little detail for their big day, my husband and I had the end game in mind, preparing for our marriage. I didn’t want a wedding to last me a lifetime and end up with a marriage to last as a faded memory. I wanted a marriage that lasted a lifetime and a wedding with a lasting memory.
My husband Daniel and I met in college; in our school’s cafeteria to be exact. He was in front of me in the omelet line, and we struck up a conversation. We both attended a small Christian University and had seen each other before, but the omelet line is where it all began.
We were both passionate about our faith, and believed it should permeate through every facet of our lives, which is why we had both opted in our recent years not to date and to instead wait for the right person at the right time. I am so glad that we both waited, because that right person had just so happened to come at the right time for both of us. However, neither of us was fully prepared for what whirlwind adventure would be in store after a seemingly innocent conversation in that long lunch line of our school’s cafeteria.
Before I knew it, there was a gorgeous ring on my finger. I couldn’t believe how fast it all was happening, but the ease with which it all happened never ceased to amaze me. My heart was so full.
My husband and I chose not only to wait to have sex, but to kiss as well. We had our first kiss after we were engaged, and then we chose to wait until our wedding day to kiss again. Most people in our sphere agreed with our philosophy of waiting for sex, but many thought it was peculiar we were not kissing, considering we were in love and getting married.
My husband and I each had our own personal journeys that led us to our decision. We got married very young, and setting such strong boundaries proved to our peers and families that this wasn’t just a fling, or a whirlwind decision, but that we were serious about our pursuit of marriage and that our love was not mere infatuation.
We were mature enough in our youth to know exactly what we were embarking upon.
Before I go any further in sharing our story, I want to clarify that my husband and I did not grow up in a home like the Duggars. We were not some weird social outcasts or religious fanatics. We are not some special brand of Christian.
We both had a past and we had tasted enough of this world to know that what the God of the Bible (who we worship) had to offer for a satisfying life and overflowing marriage was far better than anything we had tried to achieve on our own. My husband was not a virgin when we got married despite me being one and that was a huge driving force into our decision to not kiss since he regretted not having waited for me. That’s why we knew purity went beyond the scope of just “not having sex” for us — because valuing purity would also spill into our marriage.
Daniel and I will have been married five years come January 1st, and we’ve never, for one second regretted our decision to wait. We got to spend our courtship really getting to know each other with our eyes wide open. Time that would have normally been spent on making out, for example, was instead spent serving together, sharing life together, and falling deeper in love with each other.
And while it wasn’t easy, all those times it was so difficult to wait in our courtship dissipated on our wedding day. Choosing to wait on a sexual connection until our wedding day put clarity between us so that we could be unbiased in our pursuit of one another.
We bore our naked souls to one another before baring our naked bodies. Our marriage and sex life has been all the better for it.
I am not trying to persuade anyone that waiting to have sex will give you a perfect marriage. Virginity is not the secret ingredient to a happily-ever-after. I believe God is. We don’t have a perfect marriage, we’re still a work in progress, but I know that saving such a soul-entwining bond as sex for our marriage is what has united and deepened our covenant.
There was no greater feeling than to walk down that aisle on my wedding day knowing I saved myself for the one whom my soul loves. No man had ever seen me naked, or touched my most intimate parts; my husband was going to be the first and only man to see and to have all of me. My husband was going to be the only man to love all of me because he is the only man who deserves all of me.
As far as the concern for the pleasure of virginal sex, let me nail this to the proverbial cross once and for all. The beauty of being a virgin on your wedding day is that sex only gets better and better. I know this because I am speaking from personal experience. It can only get better because you have nothing to compare it to except for the last time you thought it couldn’t get any better.
Sex is pleasurable. The myth that sex wouldn’t be as pleasurable if you waited is just a lie perpetuated by ignorant people who’ve put sex out of its context. Marriage channels sex in the right direction when it makes sex about giving all of yourself first.
You can’t truly have great sex without love, and you can’t fully consummate your love without sex, which is why marriage is the perfect avenue for the two. When you’re having sex outside of marriage, you’re focusing on the pleasure of sex with that person, not on the pleasure of the person you’re having sex with. Rather than using someone for sex, in a marriage you’re using sex to continuously act out your love for that person.
In marriage, having sex is pleasurable because of the person you’re having sex with.
There’s a common belief in this world that your first time should be special, and I agree wholeheartedly. I believe the reason most people feel this way about what their first time should be like is because deep down in our souls we innately know how otherworldly and sacred sex truly is, despite the world’s best efforts to cheapen it.
Sex is the intertwining of two souls that can never be undone. What could be more special than to have your first time on your wedding night on one of the most momentous days of your life, pledging yourself to the person you love more than life itself?
We share our story not to judge people who didn’t wait (like I mentioned earlier we, too, have pasts), but we share our story because we want people to know that waiting until your wedding night to kiss or have sex was an important decision to us that we believe was worth the wait.”
Brianna adds: “…and it’s a decision we haven’t regretted one bit.”