Lots of pregnant women can’t wait to share the news they’re expecting (after the first 12 weeks, that is).
The look of joy and surprise on the faces of friends and family is part of the excitement, but like any big news, there’s a time and a place.
One Mumsnet user wanted to know if a friend’s housewarming party was an appropriate occasion for telling close friends she’s expecting her second child.
Angelina7 told the online parenting forum close mutual friends, as well as other friends of the couple, would be in attendance.
The expectant mother acknowledged the news could detract from the special occasion, but her dilemma rested on whether or not she’d be able to tell her friends in person:
I wouldn’t want to take anything away from their house warming and their beautiful new house though….what would you do?. …it’s either then or over the phone before then…
A lot of commenters felt the housewarming party wasn’t the right time. Feelslikearockandahardplace wrote:
Congratulations but as it’s not your party to me it’s not the right time even with it being a housewarming rather than a more personal occasion. It may be a big deal to them.
Please don’t because that would make their party about you.
Bluntness100 put it bluntly:
If they are indeed good friends, then I’m not sure why you’re wondering how to tell them. Text them or tell them on one of your phone calls. Congrats but it’s really just a big deal to you not for others. Waiting for their party is a bit precious.
PinkHeart5914 cautioned the mother-to-be her news could outshine the couple’s big purchase:
Please don’t! It will end up over shadowing the party, just let them have the party.
Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar offered this harsh feedback:
God, please don’t hmm. They’re throwing a party to celebrate their new home; not to provide a convenient stage for you.
Some commenters didn’t think it was that big of a deal for the woman to tell people she was pregnant. AngelaTwerkel wrote about the ordinariness of such an announcement:
I don’t see a problem with telling them at their house warming, in what way would your pregnancy detract from their event? I’m sure they’ll congratulate you and then just get on with their party.
Still, others questioned why the pregnant woman was so keen on telling everyone in person, as london123987 stated:
I always find it a bit peculiar when people don’t tell you they are pregnant until they see you in person. I am pleased for other people when I hear good news, but like a new job or other stuff, it doesn’t need to be a big thing. I always find it rather indulgent.
I think a good rule is that if you have to ask yourself if something is appropriate then there’s a good chance it’s not. You can just text your friends after the event or whatever. You don’t need to reveal at someone else’s party.
If you’re not after a “stage” and being a bit precious about it, then why do you want to do it at the party and in person? If you’re excited to share your news, then tell people when you speak to them, ie on the phone or when you meet up for a coffee.
TinselTwins pointed out that sharing pregnancy news in person isn’t always the best move:
While it’s USUALLY nicer to tell people your news in person, that does not apply to pregnancy! It’s much nicer to tell people by phone/message/email so that if it kicks them in the guts they don’t have to explain or fake smile!
You never know which friend this’ll effect even if you think you know their circumstances!
Message your friends with your news before the party so they’re not reacting in a fish bowl.
According to Emily Post, announcing a pregnancy, whether it’s the first child or the fifth, is joyous news to be celebrated, as there are few personal updates as exciting. Post states that whom the couple decides to tell and when varies by family; however, it is recommended waiting until towards the end of the first trimester.
Cafe Mom advises that when it comes to “the where” of sharing pregnancy news, the first mistake is doing it at an event that is important to someone else, be it a wedding or graduation party. According to Alex Packer, a family etiquette expert and author of “How Rude!”, the news should wait:
“Let them bask in their special day. Wait a bit longer before announcing yours.”
Cafe Mom advises informing others before the big event just in case the question comes up, forcing the issue.
What do you think? Should Angelina7 start dialing?