After graduating from college in 2009, I lived in the basement of my parents’ house until I secured my first office job.
Moving home was embarrassing, I’ll admit it. And at one point, we had to have “the talk” about finding a new place to live.
Fortunately, my parents were great communicators. We sat down and had a conversation about job goals and growth. I started paying $200 a month in rent as motivation to find my own place.
In a few weeks, I found a new job. I eventually moved into my own apartment, and my stepdad gave back my rent to help pay for my wedding.
But for other parents, the “moving out talk” isn’t as easy. As HuffPost reported, many parents often struggle to find ways to tell their adult children to move out.
In a particular story that was recently submitted to advice columnist Carolyn Hax, a woman wrote that her parents wanted an empty nest, but they asked her to help evict her 30-year-old sister.
The older sister was asked to have “the talk.”Liao Zi/FlickrCC
My initial reaction: “What? No way!”
Apparently, Carolyn had a similar response. She kindly responded to the reader, “This is your parents’ and sister’s business.”
She encouraged the reader to talk to her sister about her goals and to ask her plans for the future. But ultimately, the parents shouldn’t have asked their oldest daughter to evict their younger daughter.
A quick Google search reveals that many parents have been looking for parenting advice on how to encourage adult children to move out.
In one such parting advice article published by CBS, Christina Newberry, co-author of “The Hands-On Guide to Surviving Adult Children Living at Home” gave some tips to parents who need to have “the talk.”
She told the publication parents shouldn’t be afraid to set ground rules:
“If you treat them like a kid again, you’re not helping them — you are creating a lifestyle that they won’t be able to maintain when they leave. Your job is to get them to where they don’t need you anymore.”
Some of her suggestions to prompt adult children to get out of the house include:
- Establishing rules for everything, including curfew and rent
- Making it a job for the kids to find a job, and holding them accountable for not submitting applications
- Finding a career counselor to help get goals on track
Newberry noted that often, parents need to establish rules to make the child feel uncomfortable living at home. If nothing changes in a year, it might be time to call in professional help from counselors or pastors.
As an adult child who was the recipient of the talk, let me just say it isn’t easy for us to hear it either. But it’s certainly a conversation worth having. Just please don’t ask me to kick out my sister.
Have you had any luck asking your adult kids to move out? Let us know in the comments below.