Being a stay-at-home mom is a full-time job that doesn’t offer a salary or benefits.
And as one mom revealed on Reddit, not having the freedom that comes with making her own money has started to weigh on her since her and her husband’s child was born a year-and-a-half ago.
The Reddit user, who goes by the handle “SillySpeaker2,” started her story off by saying that both she and her husband agreed that it was “the most sensible arrangement” to have her becoming a stay-at-home spouse/mom three years ago.
And although staying at home as just a spouse was fine, things got increasingly harder after they welcomed their son into the world. The mom wrote:
So I feel pretty crummy even typing this out to complete strangers but here goes. […] I’ve been a stay at home spouse/mom for about 3 years now and it was fine before the baby. But now there are a lot of things I want to change but don’t know how to, especially when it comes to finances which I feel like I have no power over. My husband earns good money but he’s very frugal about nonessential spending because he wants to be financially independent (no job, earnings from investments) at an early age. Granted he was like this when I met him but I also had my own salary at the time to do what I wanted. I’m looser with my money because I like eating out, going out with friends, going shopping, etc. All the normal things people in their 20s buy and do.
However, now that her husband is the sole breadwinner, the stay-at-home mom says they get in “mini fights” any time she wants to make a purchase that’s over $150.
This means if I go out to get clothing, makeup, brunch, little treats, etc. and the amount exceeds $150, I would need to call him beforehand and talk about what I’m buying. It feels extremely restrictive and quite frankly humiliating. He spends so little on himself that it seems like to him that I’m the one spending all the money on myself every month.
Now, after talking with her sister, who is also a stay-at-home mom, the Reddit user wants to ask her husband for a “salary,” something her sister and brother-in-law do so that she doesn’t have to have all of her purchases “approved.”
She explained that her sister “gets ‘paid’ a few thousand every month to spend on whatever she wants”:
Right now she says she gets about $3,500 a month because that’s how much it would cost them to hire an outside nanny where they live. It’s a bit cheaper where we live so I wouldn’t be asking as much.”
However, the mom’s question is, “would she be the a**hole for suggesting a similar arrangement with my husband so I don’t need to go groveling for money every time I want to buy myself something nonessential?”
Some thought $3,500 a month is way too much:
I think more than anything that’s too much to ask for. Your basically asking for a stay at home nanny’s erntire salary as play money. 3.5 k a month for 12 months is over 40k. That’s absurd unless your very wealthy.
While others thought if she was to get paid that much, she should at least pay for “rent, and for her own food, car, gas, insurance, etc.”
And some agreed that getting a monthly stipend, no matter how much, would be a good idea:
Yeah, I think the concept of a monthly stipend for her is a good one. It sounds like it would save them both grief by avoiding these fights.