A concerned mom turned to other parents after she noticed her son with autism was being excluded at school.

The mother, who goes by Penguincake on Mumsnet, said that her boy isn’t getting invited to parties that seemingly all his other classmates go to.

To make matters worse, his teacher is the one to hand out the invitations on behalf of the children’s parents.

She wrote on the parenting forum that her son does have a problem with pushing due to his autism, so she understands why parents may be hesitant:

I am quite willing to be told I am [being unreasonable]. My son has Autism and can occasionally push children when he is panicked. He has been doing a lot better recently and his teacher has said he is forming good relationships. However I understand that some children might be wary of him.

He has been in [kindergarten] since September and has not been invited to a single party. I totally accept a parents choice in not having a child who pushes at their child’s party.

Jeffrey Hamilton/Unsplash

The mom said it mostly hurts because his teacher is the one to pass out the invites. She explained:

What does hurt though is when there is a party, the class teacher or TA stands at the door at class time with a big wodge of invitations and gives them to each child as they leave. Yet again today they had a stack of invitations and my son was the only one walking out without one.

She said her little boy has started to notice that he’s the only one not getting an invite:

He has started to question why he doesn’t get a “card”. It all feels so bloody thoughtless and cruel.

The upset mother explained that she thinks the teacher “should refuse to hand out invites unless everyone is invited.” She also asked if she should just “suck it up.”


Many parents were quick to agree with the mom. Some suggested that the teacher should be more discreet with the invites.

One fellow parent commented:

That’s really cruel. I really feel for both you and your ds. They should be popped into book bags if teachers are giving them out.

It’s unclear if the mom has since had a talk with the teacher.

What would you do in this situation? Let us know in the comments.

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12 Replies to “Mom Asks What to Do After Son With Autism Noticed He Was the Only Kid in Class Not Invited to Parties”

  • Anonymous 2 years ago

    I feel so bad for this mom and her son. What can the rest of us, who aren’t so insensitive and heartless, and who love all people, do to fix this situation? This is heartbreaking!

  • Helen Bilowus 2 years ago

    Maybe if the boys Mom was invited too, as a chaperone, to look after her son that would be acceptable.

  • Bh 2 years ago

    I went through this with my son. The teacher should not be handing out the invitations at all. That is up to the parents or the child to distribute. I feel the teacher should have had enough compasoon to handle this on her own that if all the children weren’t invited that this cant be handled at school.

  • Jud 2 years ago

    As a kindergarten and first grade teacher for over 30 years, I can say this was done in poor taste. I always had a policy that if invitations are to be handed out at school, I had an all or none policy. I never let anyone be left out. If a parent asked, I would say, how would you feel if it were your child being left out. I then suggested allowing the parent of the child to attend the party with the child if there was a concern over behavior.

  • Kimmy kelley 2 years ago

    My school district requires that if you are going to hand out invites at school that everyone in the class MUST be invited. Otherwise the invitations need to be distributed off campus. This would avoid this issue which is definitely cruel to this child. Further, at this young age every kid typically has a parent with them at the party so the other parents should have zero concern. The other parents need to be teaching their kids that we need to treat everyone with kindness and that everyone is different and special in their own way and they should befriend this child.

  • Anonymous 2 years ago

    Why not give the boy a card not an invite so he is getting something? Maybe a “proud of you” “nice having you for a friend” etc.

  • Jeanine 2 years ago

    There should not be invites handed out to only “some”! Common sense.

  • boopster 2 years ago

    My children’s school has a policy. Either you invited the entire classroom or you can’t hand out invitations in school at all. This is cruel. And should not be allowed.

  • Teresa C Lewis 2 years ago

    You are NOT wrong to expect your child’s teacher to use some common sense and show compassion. The teacher of all people should NOT be distributing invitations to anyone. That is just CRUEL!

  • Anonymous 2 years ago

    These kids are lucky they don’t know what is going on…. I spent childhood being told “I’m out of town that week”… I was born in the current spring break time…. and never had anyone come to my party after inviting everyone I knew as a kid
    Now I’m 33 and still don’t care
    Maybe more jaded and don’t care about anyone’s birthday

  • Amy Faulkner 2 years ago

    Yeah, that’s not cool, on the part of anyone involved. If it was a neuro-typical kiddo who is just a trouble maker, maybe I’d understand. But excluding the child based on something completely out of his control is just selfish. And people keep saying invite the parent of the child, and I’m wondering do people actually take their children to a birthday part and just DROP THEM OFF? At that age? That’s nuts. And yes, the way the teacher hands out invites and leaves the kid out in front of everyone else is entirely unacceptable.

  • Jerkseasonit 2 years ago

    There are 1 in 58 kids that are on the spectrum. This is now a norm and integration means they are not kept apart. We need to teach our children to be accepting of others who are different or atypical. Lead by example parents and show compassion to all. Ask the parents to accompany so that you are not responding so or for them but also so the kids can have someone there to help them and this child feel included. Who cares who hands it out. Stop putting being a good person on the teachers to set the example. Do the right thing.

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