When you first meet someone, it’s all about looking your best. But you’ve reached a special point in your relationship when you’re happy looking slightly ridiculous together.
There was a time I brushed my teeth, hair sprayed my hair and lipsticked my lips if I even thought I might run into this…
That’s the point mom-of-five Amy Betters-Midtvedt made in a recent Facebook post. Betters-Midtvedt, who blogs at Hiding in the Closet with Coffee, told Babble she was initially amused at the photo of her and her husband wearing CPAP machines. Then she started thinking about what it said about marriage.
“There was a time I brushed my teeth, hair sprayed my hair and lipsticked my lips if I even thought I might run into this guy on the way to class,” she wrote, adding it was because “I never wanted him to see me at anything less than my absolute, albeit big haired, best.”
But things change. Marriage and children bring wisdom and a different way of looking at things — including yourself. She wrote:
And now here we are…bringing sexy back with our his and hers CPAP machines.
This is what love actually looks like, friends.
True, there was a time when they both spent a lot of time and trouble trying to impress each other and “all appearances were perfect and all flaws hidden.”
But that’s not what love really looks like for Betters-Midtvedt. For her, love looks like “suffering through long, long, loud nights of your partner snoring. And snoring. And snoring.” She added:
And mornings where your wife is a giant pile of smeared mascara and grouchy attitude because once again insomnia claimed her nighttime hours.
And then laughing your heads off when we end up with CPAP machines and yet you just can’t wait to jump into bed together.
To try these things out and finally both get a good sleep.
The mom said she and her husband met and fell in love in their late teens and early 20s. Over the course of their 26-year relationship, they learned about how your relationship changes with time.
Betters-Midtvedt told Babble that when she was flush with young love, she thought simply being together was all it would take to be happy. Now, after kids and time, she knows that laughter (not perfection) was what it took to stay connected as a couple:
“We have always had so much fun together and that part has been just as it was way back in the day that we met in the dorms at school. That ability to have fun and find the humor in the crazy has gotten us through the hard times.”
And while her younger self might have been aghast at the idea that she would one day be sharing a photo of them in all their CPAP glory, Betters-Midvedt knows that there comes a point when you let go of those concerns. What’s more, your marriage is better for it. As she told Babble:
“There is just no shame left once someone has seen you give birth and brought you an iced donut pillow for your nether regions! And every bit of breaking through those appearances has led to deeper and better loving of the other’s real self. So all of the mess is just completely worth it.”
That’s why she wanted to share the picture of them with their his-and-hers CPAP machines. As she wrote on Facebook, “This is what love looks like. And I think it looks better than ever.”