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Mom Refutes Idea She and Husband Are ‘Couple Goals,’ Says Baby Has Pushed Marriage to ‘Absolute Edge’

Constance Hall and Denim Cooke
Constance Hall/Facebook

Constance Hall doesn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea from her seemingly equal and perfect marriage.

The truth is that things aren’t always as equal as they appear.

As the popular mom blogger and author shared on Facebook, she often gets compliments about how involved her husband, Denim Cooke, is:

I get so many messages on Instagram about how “hands on” my husband is. And even people telling me that we are “couple goals.”

Hall and Cooke just welcomed their first child together, and the mom of five isn’t mincing words about the strain that has put on their marriage. Despite appearances, Hall wrote that “the truth is that having a baby has pushed my relationship to the absolute edge.”

I get so many messages on Instagram about how “hands on” my husband is. And even people telling me that we are “couple…

Posted by Constance Hall on Friday, December 28, 2018

She went on to explain that the problem isn’t that a new baby brings more work. She can handle the extra work. Rather, it’s the “unjust, unfair living arrangements that so commonly follow the birth of a baby.”

She wrote:

I’m not man bashing or airing my dirty laundry or doing any of the other ridiculous things that people say when someone speaks out in their truth against a system that greatly benefits one gender while driving another insane.

The minute the baby came out, I became the ball and chain.

From a couple that went everywhere together, they became a couple that took two trips apart over the Christmas holidays. And she can’t help but notice that certain things — like holding the baby or going places with her — suddenly became a chore or a favor.

On the same day that I found out that Two members of the wiggles were married, I found out that they were getting…

Posted by Constance Hall on Monday, August 6, 2018

Hall is still going through all of the things that moms of young children experience, and the “hands-on” nature of her husband hasn’t changed that:

I am lonely. I wake up with my baby at 6 a.m. and I’m in bed exhausted by 8 p.m. That’s the thing about babies, they take away all of your alone time and somehow leave you feeling incredibly lonely.

And she can’t help but be angry about it:

I am resentful. After doing so many loads of washing the other morning while his highness slept in for the 340th time this year I flooded the bathroom, mopped for half an hour, put the baby down, made myself some eggs, walked past the wet patch and slipped, smashing my plate and knees.  And I was not expecting to not be able to get up. I just lay there, covered in washing machine water. Furiously crying. So f**king angry with where motherhood/wifehood has taken me.

What’s more, like so many other moms, she’s exhausted and worn down by it all — the late-night feedings, the chores, the cleaning, the demands of the other children, and more. Hall wrote:

Is this what equality looks like? You have a baby and you become insect repellent to husbands?

Women are now allowed to work for a s**ttier wage and then come home and still squeeze in all the work we had to do in the 50s?

So while the compliments about her equal relationship and hands-on husband might be gratifying, they’re not a true reflection of what she’s going through. She wrote:

Thank you for giving me some superficial gratification when telling me that we are couple goals but in the spirit of honesty, having a baby is one thing, sharing that baby is a completely different story.

But despite her complaints, Hall is hopeful about the future:

Where there is love there is a way and there is no shortage of love in my marriage. We will grow and we will be ok.

Her marriage might not be as ideal as it seems from the outside, but neither of them has any intention of giving up.

As Hall concluded, “As my recently divorced male friend told me, ‘You think having a baby and wife is depressing … until they leave you. And then you learn the meaning of depressing.'”

What do you think?

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  1. Motherhood as I often say is not for the faint hearted. I experienced the same thing and on top of that I was and still am married to a now Retired State Trooper. When they are doing back to back shifts and they are on call at all times the job becomes number 1 priority. So, we spouses take the role of both parents, even though I also had a full time job outside the home. It’s rough raising children alone when you have no spouse, but it’s also rough raising them alone when you do have a spouse, but their job takes them away from the home. It also is a painful thought when you kiss and say goodbye it could be the last time so you hold on a little tighter and kiss a little longer.
    You will be okay. Stay strong and this all shall pass. Babies grow fast and before you know it they have left the nest so as to say.

    • Well let’s see, she is married. That means you have a man & woman. That means children happen. By choice or by accident.
      This isn’t about having children. It’s about the woman having to do it all.

  2. Oh i know. Once again its the man’s fault right? Twisted your arm to have another child did he? If he was so entitled and self centered as you are quick to point out why have more children? Bottom line,being a man who was married with 2 grown children of my own most women are completely void of logic and reason toward having children only to man bash when becomes to much to handle. Women do not do it all,far from it. Men are still the majority of the money makers and go through the main stress of handling so many of the other important parts of a marriage. 70 %of women end marraiges. Why. Because they feel so self entitled as the marraige goes along. Even putting a chore lable on your sex life. Shame on you and the majority of women in the last 40 years. Thats why more men need to think long and hard about who the get married to

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