The sight of those two tiny black hands peeking out from the darkness of a drawer were enough to make Laura Mazza think about leaving everything behind and moving to another house.
As the Australian mom of three, who blogs at Mum on the Run, wrote on Facebook, she’s not one to deal with mice, insects, or other creepy, crawly critters. So when she opened a kitchen drawer “to see two little hands cradling a rolling pin,” she reacted as anyone would.
She lost it.
As Mazza explained, the very thought of mice, bugs, spiders, and the like “makes me want to vomit and scrub myself with sandpaper until I see the last layer of skin.” So under the circumstances, she wasn’t inclined to carefully investigate the mysterious little claws grasping her cooking implements.
You ever open a drawer to see two little hands cradling a rolling pin?I did. I hate spiders, mice, bugs, all of…
Instead, her “flight or fight” response kicked off:
So I gasped like a Hollywood star, took a photo (cause I’m a millennial) and slammed that drawer so hard it’s reopened quickly, which scared me so I started flapping around like a cockatoo, squawking.
Of course, this scared Mazza’s young children enough for them to start crying, which then made Mazza join in.
The commotion was enough to bring over the construction workers from across the street. Meanwhile, Mazza was only partly joking as she told her children:
“Kids, I don’t want to alarm you, but there is something in that drawer and we may have to leave the house,” half joking, half ready packing for the end of the world.
To make matters worse, Mazza lives in an area known for its poisonous creatures. And this isn’t the first time she has been surprised by an unwanted visitor in their home:
Now please know that since we have moved house I have found bugs I didn’t know existed. Lizards, birds, There was even this bug/butterfly that looked like it had eyelash extensions […] We are in the bush and you know what they say about Australian bush land, everything will f**king kill you.
Not wanting to die that day, at least in part because “I still have so many unused Mother’s Day massage vouchers” to live for, Mazza called her husband for help.
Unfortunately, he did not share her level of concern over the mysterious tiny claws:
“There’s like, tiny hands in the drawer… and maybe it’s my medication and I’m finally losing it but i can see tiny black hands.”
Him: [five] minute long pause … “What?”
“Like there’s an animal, or an insect or f**king gizmo in the drawer but I can see hands. Maybe I’m losing it.”
Him: I’m sure there is nothing in the drawer, it’s probably a toy.
“Nope, it’s moving I can hear it. It’s plotting our deaths.” I could hear a ticking noise (which I later found out was the dishwasher).
Him: I’m sure it’s not.
“If you come home and we have all been bitten and we are dead because of this thing with tiny black hands then that’s on you.”
Him: Ok bub, gotta go love you.
Since there had been a previous incident in which Mazza thought she’d found a dead mouse that turned out to be a toy, the mom was reluctant to press the point.
When she heard the clicking noise again, Mazza went with a different plan. She went and got bug spray, thinking maybe she could “fumigate the house and whatever it is might die and we will never open that drawer again.”
However, her usually timid daughter went to investigate. With her hand in the drawer, the young girl started laughing and yelling, “It’s a bat!! It’s a bat!! It’s eating it! It’s eating it!!”
That was enough to send Mazza running to the rescue:
Despite all my fears I raced over, because I thought, “Ok there’s something alive in there and she thinks it’s cute and it’s probably chewing through her bone and the shock hasn’t hit her and she will turn into a vampire.”
That’s when her daughter pulled the tiny creature out of the drawer, and Mazza had to face the scorn of two small children:
She picked it up and waved it in my face. And then my son turned to me, my 4 year old turning 5 in a few weeks, with the most smugness I’ve ever heard a 4 year old use, slapped his face and said, “God mum you’re so hysterical. It’s just a pterodactyl.”
The cause of all the fear and hysteria was a small, plastic dinosaur toy, whose tiny black claws were peeping out from her kitchen implements.
Of course, while the toy isn’t technically dangerous, Mazza wasn’t willing to keep another toy that was about to send her “into an early grave” — not to mention expose her to the laughter of her husband. She concluded:
“The pterodactyl/bat fish eater has now been re-homed, in the bin. Along with my husband, who laughed for 45 minutes straight as apparently the neighbor thought that one of the dogs had got stuck in the fence and was howling and told him to check them. Nope, it was me. Sigh.”