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Mom Decides to Grow Out Her Gray Hair at Age 37. Her Husband Wants Her to Go Back to the Dye

Julie Burton
Julie Burton

Julie Burton is learning to love her gray hair. Her husband still has a way to go.

As the writer and mom-of-two from Kansas told Dearly, it all started with a long look in the mirror:

“Every time my gray roots would show, I would pull my hair back in front of the mirror and stare at ‘old me.’ One day, I decided — that’s not ‘old me,’ that’s just me. I decided to let my gray hair come in October of 2018.”

When Julie started looking at her grays in a new way, she discovered that she liked them. She told Dearly:

“It’s silver, sparkly. I love it. I think I’ll love it more when it’s grown completely out. It feels like I’m growing out a pixie cut.”

Three months after she started growing out her gray hair, Julie shared a photo on Facebook, explaining why she chose to do so:

Because I’ll never have to worry about spraying down my roots with black spray before going out in public.

Because I don’t have to worry about timing a hair salon visit before a big event.

She added that she doesn’t want to wear a hat, or go gray at 80. Not to mention that she likes feeling the wind in her hair without grabbing it back down again:

I’m letting the gray go because I like having control. Because I’m me.

There’s just one problem. Julie’s husband, Scott, isn’t on board with the decision. As she told Dearly, “The hardest part of this process is speaking up for myself. My husband doesn’t like it. He asks me to spray it down with dye before we go on dates. He reminds me we don’t know any woman with gray hair at 37.”

This is three months of letting the gray go. Why? Because I like it. Because I’ll never have to worry about spraying…

Posted by Julie Burton / Writer on Tuesday, January 8, 2019

On her blog, Julie points out she’s the same age as Britney Spears. But her husband thinks that the better comparison would be to Spears’ famous mental breakdown and subsequent shaved head. Julie wrote:

He’s still turning his mouth down every time I pull my hair up. He threatens to shave his head into a cul-de-sac just to make me beg him to grow it back. He asks if I’m going to spray my hair down before a date night. He screams, “Who else do we know that has gray hair at 37?! You’re not starting a movement.”

Julie explained that she isn’t going gray because of something she read or saw on Instagram. And she’s not doing it for the sake of social media clicks — which isn’t to say that she doesn’t have a lot of support. On Facebook, her new look received a lot of support from commenters.

In fact, most people probably wouldn’t even have noticed the grays if she didn’t point them out. And despite the fact that growing out grays dialing back on salon time, it’s not a sign of surrender:

I have silver hair. I’m not giving up on my looks. I think it’s pretty. I think it will be prettier once it’s grown out. If men are called silver foxes then why can’t I be a silver vixen? If I’m going to “pull off” having silver hair then I want to do it while I’m 37.

There are, however, signs of a thaw. Scott has started teasing his wife about looking older and making jokes about her hair.

As Julie told Dearly, it looks like her husband is finally coming around to the idea that they really are going to grow old together (and look it):

“He’s starting to joke about the gray hair — I get a sense he’s caving with the jokes. I know he’ll adjust to the hair change. He adjusted after I chopped my hair off after our wedding. We’ll be okay. I remind him he’s married a silver vixen now.”

What do you think?

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  1. Gray make you look like a grandma
    Sorry
    Even man today don’t want to be gray
    No thanks
    It just shows your age
    Not a wisdom
    I hope your husband don’t leave you for pretty blond later

  2. Why be gray when you can color your hair? I say COLOR, COLOR, COLOR! I think people who are gray early and don’t color their hair give the impression they don’t care how they look.

  3. Lots of folks, women and men, have premature graying of the hair. When I say graying I am talking about silver or white hair. I think it is beautiful. I commend this woman for feeling good about herself with her hair gray.. Awesome.

  4. I’m 49 and presently have a pixie cut. My graying began when I was 21. I’m tired of coloring my hair only to find it glistening again in a weeks time. Not only that, I am more concerned with health and hair color is toxic. I’m still trying to get used to the idea myself, but my husband supports whatever I do with my hair: dark or gray; long or short.
    A women should do whatever makes her feel comfortable and lovely. It’s unfortunate that her husband is acting like a twelve year old. Trust me sister, there are plenty of men that will still find you attractive. The problem really isn’t your hair. It’s your husband.

  5. When I first read the title, I wrongly assumed she had mostly gray/silver roots but after reading the article and looking at her hair, I think I can offer a solution which both she and her husband ca deal with. I had dark hair like her and started graying early too, but with dark hair leaving the gray just showing doesn’t look as attractive unless you have a big patch like a streak. What I suggest she do, is to lighten her hair while growing out the gray until the entire hair is all gray/silver and go from there with her hair choice. Gray/silver strains against the dark hair doesn’t do justice to her looks. There are even gray tone colors to chose from if she is determined to go that route. But she definitely needs to lighten the dark hair to flatter the gray/silver hair look.

  6. My daughter used to get on me for not dying my hair, that it was too long for my age, that it wasn’t styled, ect. I decided to do what I wanted, which was let it grow and quit dying it. I am a late-bloomer when it comes to turning grey, 64 yrs old, but I am a country gal and live on a farm so why worry about trying to look city polished? She got me a T-shirt from Tractor Supply that says, “Farm Hair, Don’t Care” and I thought, she finally gets me. Turns out my granddaughters get me. Oh well. Out on the farm and ranches practically no one has ‘city hair’ for the most part and mine looks OK to me, so now I am a dirty blonde with white “highlights.” Couldn’t be happier just letting it go grey! I say, “Go girl and do what makes you happy.”

  7. I’ve been silver since about 18. I love it and do does my sweetie. Does your hubby only love dark haired you? How sad. Enjoy your freedom from that awful dye.

  8. I had the same problem with my husband. But. I colored it every 5 weeks for 10 long years to appease him. That’s a lot of money. He was okay with me stopping at 60 lol. Well the problem is he’s 2 years younger and 63 but he still has very little grey on his head but more in his goatee. We’d go shopping and stupid people would call me his mom. But as for me I’m lucky mine is silvery and I love it. I keep it short and if it takes more then five minutes to fix to go out it’s time for a haircut.

  9. Haters are always going to spread their negativity. Ignore them. Hi hen I was 42 I transitioned from at home dyeing my hair. After a year if researching how I wanted to do it I decided to have my hair gradually blended by a professional so that I wouldn’t have a large stripe coming down my head (I have a lot of silver and grey). The whole process was about a year long. The salon did a wonderful job. It was so freeing though after the transition was complete. I remember that final haircut where the last of the artificially blended hair was trimmed and I was left with just all my own natural untreated hair! I’ve been dye free for 5 years now and the natural color is actually an ombre.. something I never would have expected. And I receive lots of compliments on it as well as requests for where I get my hair colored! People can’t believe it’s natural. Embrace what nature is giving to you and have fun with it!

  10. I hate to say this but. I have had gray hair since i was 14. About 2 years ago i stopped dying my hair because it was thinning out way too much. So i said screw it. At first my husband was always like damn. But now the way the gray is growing out he thinks i look like Rouge from x men. So to the little boys out there who don’t want a WOMAN with gray hair. We know what we like and want so shut up and enjoy a WOMAN and not a girl. 😉

  11. Good for you! It’s YOUR hair. I started going gray in my 20s & had it colored for 10+ years. Around 35 i decided it was too expensive to have it colored plus I was working & a mother of 4 & didn’t always have the time to go to the salon to have it colored. I am now 80 & for 45 years I have received so many comments on my gray (now almost white). You do you. 👍👍

  12. My husband told me that he wouldn’t be married to someone that has gray hair at 47, so I told him that I was not going to be told what to do with MY hair. I haven’t dyed it sents.its been 15 years. I love my hair. I get compliments all the time.

  13. I feel do what you feel most comfortable with.
    Hair dye has a lot of chemicals in it and the less you use the better it is. I must comment though is the premature gray hair due to age related or is it due to illness? Anyone who has premature gray hair really should talk to their doctor to make sure everything is ok with cardiac, pituitary and thyroid. Not to scare you, but to be on safe side.

  14. Pretty sad when people judge who you are by the color of your hair..and to say that he might leave her for a blonde because she’s growing her hair out to its natural color then he’s not worthy of her.

  15. I’ve had grey since about 25, my wife has had hers since around 35.. We love each other for who we are NOT how we look.. Grey is a sign of wisdom.. I embraced my grey and love my wise wife..been with her 25 years now and we wear our grey proudly.. If you worry about your appearance.. You forget you have a lot more to offer deep down. Or maybe you should WORK on the deep down, so the hair is NOT important..then again this is how my wife and I see the world.

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