For Lori Alexander, it’s as clear as black and white.
The grandmother, mom, and wife blogs about motherhood, marriage, and similar issues at The Transformed Wife. She described herself to Dearly as, “an older woman teaching Christian women biblical womanhood according to Titus 2:3-5,” adding, “God commands that I teach young women to be, ‘keepers at home.'”
As part of that mission, Alexander shared a flowchart she created to answer the question, “Should mothers have careers?” In the chart, which she shared on Facebook and Twitter, she compares the life of a working mom to a stay-at-home mom, with an emphasis on the stress and exhaustion working parents face on a regular basis.
In Alexander’s chart, working moms spend all day away from home, their children in the care of others, and then come home, “exhausted.” A working mom’s, “dinner is usually fast food or microwaved,” while the stay-at-home mom’s dinner is, “from scratch, nutritious, and delicious.”
Alexander goes on to say that working moms read to their children before bed, while stay-at-home moms can read, play games, discipline, and teach their children about Jesus, “all day long.”
For working moms, weekends are spent, “cleaning house and shopping,” while stay-at-home moms get to spend, “weekends at beach/park.”
Then there’s the issue of marital intimacy. She writes that the working mom is, “too tired for intimacy with [her] husband,” while the stay-at-home mom is, “intimate with [her] husband frequently.”
She then sums up the difference. For the mom with a career:
Her life is falling apart. She doesn’t feel like she’s a good wife or mother.
While for the stay-at-home mom:
Her life is fulfilling. Her husband and children rise up and call her blessed.
It should come as no surprise that Alexander’s post was controversial. Many commenters were deeply offended at what they considered gross distortions of their lives. One even threatened to report her to Facebook for hate speech.
Other women weighed in because they disliked the idea of judging personal and family decisions, especially when those decisions might be outside a mom’s control.
There were, however, some who agreed with Alexander and posted to say that embracing this view of motherhood made them happier.
Alexander told Dearly that there’s a specific principle she’s trying to communicate in her flowchart:
“No one can take the place of a mother in a child’s life. A mother home full time has a much better chance of raising secure and emotionally stable children.”
While she’s aware that her post upset and angered some people, Alexander has no intention of apologizing or taking it back. As she told Dearly, “I know this isn’t popular in today’s culture but this doesn’t bother me in the least.”