Hollywood actress Kate Beckinsale shared an emotional message on Father’s Day about grieving the loss of her dad as a kid.

In a series of Instagram photos, Kate, 45, reflected on the sudden loss of English sitcom legend Richard Beckinsale, which happened when she was 5-years-old. She said, as a child, she wished she had more support while coping with her grief.

Richard died of a heart attack in 1979 at age 31 and Kate challenged the notion that “children are resilient” during a profound loss at such a young age with a photo.

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Don’t be fooled by “children are resilient”. This is my mother and me attending the “celebration of life “ memorial service for my dad. I look fine. I was shattered, heartbroken and shocked.Every time Father’s Day comes around I remember my father with such love and longing ,and I remember the deep shame, loneliness and self loathing when I was excused from aged 5 onwards from making Father’s Day cards at school. I didn’t know anyone else who had lost a parent and there was no number to call to find advice on how to support grieving children . @kelliauerbach sent me her @the_newyork_times article about losing both her parents before the age of 20. It’s moving and beautifully written and I really advise reading it,if Father’s Day (or Mother’s Day ) is a painful issue for you or your children. The amount of shame children carry for having a dead parent is astonishing . Resources such as the National Alliance for Grieving Children (@childrengrieve )at childrengrieve.org in the US and Winston’s wish at winstonswish.org ( @winstonswish )in the UK give invaluable support to kids in this position, at a time when the rest of the family are grieving themselves. Big hugs to everyone who feels like shit as this lovely holiday comes around . You may not be able to buy a card . You’re in the Dead Fathers Club that none of us wanted to join and yet here we all are. I’m glad we have each other . Love to all xx

A post shared by Kate Beckinsale (@katebeckinsale) on

The actress captioned an image of herself at the age of five standing next to her mother, Judy Loe, on the day of her dad’s memorial service.

She wrote:

Don’t be fooled by ‘children are resilient.’ This is my mother and me attending the ‘celebration of life’ memorial service for my dad. I look fine. I was shattered, heartbroken and shocked.

She continued in her honest message:

Every time Father’s Day comes around I remember my father with such love and longing ,and I remember the deep shame, loneliness and self loathing when I was excused from aged 5 onwards from making Father’s Day cards at school. I didn’t know anyone else who had lost a parent and there was no number to call to find advice on how to support grieving children.

Kate went on to say that experiencing Father’s Day without her dad brought so much shame as a child and the “painful issue” needs to be discussed in families.

The actress recommended that families experiencing loss seek out counseling for their children.

Kate said that every Father’s Day can be a hard day in the absence of a dad.

The actress recommended resources and support for grieving children at Winston’s Wish.

About the author

Tiffani is a writer for Dearly. She is from New York City. Prior to working for Dearly she covered fashion news and managed social media for various digital media outlets.

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