Clint Edwards is a husband, a father of three, and the author of the new book, “Sorry Love Your Husband.”
Edwards uses his blog and social media to discuss marriage and parenting. Early in April, he used Facebook to express how husbands think they know what their wives really want, when it’s actually the exact opposite.
As the father of three explained, he and his wife Mel were shopping for a new carpet. She started showing him a few samples and asked for his opinion on which one they should get.
Edwards thought it would be easiest if he just told Mel to get whatever she wanted:
“It’s up to you, hon. I don’t really care. Get what you want.”
Mel’s reaction to his answer confused Edwards. As he wrote on Facebook, he could tell he “crossed a line somewhere” but wasn’t exactly sure why.
“But I want your opinion,” she said. Her lips went flat, eyes fixed on mine, and I could tell that I’d crossed a line somewhere, but to be honest, I didn’t know where.
Our three crazy kids were running around the flooring store. I was keeping half my mind on them, and the other half on picking out carpet. I’m going to sound like a typical husband here, but I didn’t really care what kind or color of carpet we got. I just wanted to make sure it was in our budget. By letting Mel get what she wanted, I assumed I was being a good husband, right?
It took Edwards a few moments but finally he realized why Mel was so hard pressed to get her husband’s opinion when it came to the carpet they were going to be installing into their home.
Perhaps, he wrote, he was missing the point:
When Mel said, “…I want your opinion,” what she was really saying was, “I want you to care because sometimes it feels like I make all the decisions.” And to be honest, she does make a lot of decisions around our house, everything from what our kids get for holidays, to what we get at the grocery store, and while I consider myself a champion of partnership, that obviously goes deeper than who does the laundry, gets up with the kids, and pays the bills. Partnership in marriages need to be equal, and that includes when decisions need to be made, even if they are as trivial as buying carpet.
Edwards added that by not helping his wife with a decision they were faced with, he was just “adding one more thing to Mel’s already very full plate.”
So, in the end, Edwards looked at the samples, asked some questions, and helped his wife pick out a carpet that “worked for [their] family.”
Over a hundred people commented on Edwards story, and some wives even shared their own:
“After asking my husbands opinion, one time he said to me ‘Why do you ask cause you’re just going to do what you want anyway.’ While this was true, I still wanted his input. Thanks for sharing.”
“Preach. Thanks for being self aware enough to realize this. I’d tag my husband or share on my wall but it would go unnoticed lol.”
“I have just sent this to my hubby as you have put into words exactly what I have been unable to tell him. Your wife is very lucky that you get it.”
“Charles Jackson I want your opinion on everything EXCEPT when we are choosing a place to eat… then I want you to guess correctly what I want!”
“Learning how to make decisions together, instead of just delegating the decision one way or the other, is one of the hardest things to learn. 15 years later, still working on it. I’m guilty of it too- just telling my husband to decide.”
“That’s it – right there. Sigh – my husband is great at a lot of things, but helping with decisions isn’t one of them.”
Other wives tagged their husbands suggesting they read Edwards’ post. Some just preached about how true his statement was.
Is this how you feel?