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Husband of Lifestyle Guru Battling Alzheimer’s Finds New Girlfriend. Together, the Pair Takes Care of His Wife

Screenshot/WashingtonPost

When a couple gets married, they typically vow to stand by one another “in sickness and in health,” but B. Smith’s husband has fans questioning if he knows what that means.

Posted by Dan Gasby on Saturday, November 12, 2016

As Complex reports, Barbara Smith, 69, known mostly for her career as a restaurateur, model, and lifestyle maven, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in 2013.

According to the Alzheimer’s Association, this form of dementia only worsens over time and on average, a person suffering from the disease lives four to eight years after diagnosis.

While there are no cures, current Alzheimer’s treatments can temporarily slow down the progression of symptoms.

Nearly six years after Smith’s diagnosis, Dan Gasby, her husband of 26 years, has a new girlfriend, who he claims is a means of coping with the added stress of caring for his wife.

In 2016, Gasby told People what it was like caring for his wife:

It’s the toughest thing I’ve ever dealt with. Anybody who is an Alzheimer’s care giver knows exactly what other caregivers are going through. It’s 24/7. The complexity and the intensity of it is very tough.”

Since the couple met in 2017, Alex Lerner, 53, has begun helping Gasby take care of his wife and even has a room in the couple’s home.

Lerner, a divorced mother of three, said the two started off as friends and that she “didn’t want to go out with a married man.”

However, after having breakfast with the couple one day, Lerner said she realized:

This is not a man cheating on his wife.”

She emphasized her compassion for Smith and how helping her makes her feel good.

Lerner said:

If I can be compassionate to her … if I can do anything for her, it makes me feel good. If it is giving her something to drink, or making her something to eat — she loves to eat — I feel good.”

However, Smith and Gasby’s fans weren’t very comfortable with the idea of another woman being in their home.

One user tweeted:

Dan Gasby , you are so disrespectful to your wife and her life. First, to move your girlfriend (mistress) into your wife’s home is disgusting. Your girlfriend should be ashamed of herself. As they say , “what goes around comes around”. KARMA!!

While another tweeted:

My mother + aunt had Alzheimer’s. It’s rough.
That said, it’s a VIOLATION of his MARITAL VOWS to have his “girlfriend” in the house he shares with his wife— that SHE PAID FOR, with a lifetime of hard work as a model, restaurateur + cookbook author! Dan Gasby is f*****g trash.
Frustrated with the backlash, Gasby took to Facebook to give critics a piece of his mind.

In part, he wrote:

…to the idiots and ignorant people calling for my arrest and saying B is or has ever been abused I only wish someone in your immediate family has Alzheimer’s so you can see feel and experience the pain of millions of people across this country so you can know first hand what it’s like to care 24/7/365 for someone who can no longer care for themselves!

And last of all but to me least of all to those religious Neanderthal who judge as if Jesus was a ball and God is a bat swinging wildly and judging harshly I say to you!

(B. Smith’s) worst day is 10x better than you’ve experienced.

I love my wife but I can’t let her take away my life!

According to Complex, he also responded to critics who accused him of dangling a white woman around his sick wife.

He said:

I have been married to a black woman for 26 years. I have a PhD in black love.”

However, in response to his Facebook post, supporters did come to his defense.


One commented:

Dan could have divorced, or worse yet abandoned, B. Smith. He could divorce her, pay for her to be cared for in a home … but he is not. It is selfish and presumptive for us to judge this man, as if we know his path and have walked it ourselves. KEEP LOVING AND CARING FOR HER AS BEST YOU KNOW HOW DAN… All we need is love, and that looks different to different people at different stages. <3 <3 <3 This seems like a caring and loving home to me and a place I would much rather be than in a nursing home.

Another supporter wrote:

 This is a beautiful story. B. Smith’s husband is doing the best thing he can do for his wife: taking care of himself and finding happiness that clearly is rippling through everyone’s life. Alzheimer’s runs strong thru my family. Acknowledgment and understanding that it is a slow and painfully degenerative, disease with no cure, and allowing caregivers to live with grace, despite social norms, is an enormous source of healing and empowerment. I fully applaud this.

If you or someone you know has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, call the Alzheimer’s Association’s 24/7 Helpline at (800) 272-3900

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  1. This is adultery, pure and simple…any references to Jesus on his part, thus cancelled..! That he has the girlfriend living in the same house with his wife, doing what only married couples should do together with her right around the corner…well, I just don’t know. Just goes to show, we cannot blame only the young for trashy morals…!

  2. Try to rationalize it however you want guy you don’t love your actuall wife you never did or you couldn’t do what you’re doing. You would be heart broken seeing the woman you’re supposed to love and spent your life with degrading into a mindless beast basically and when she does have moments of lucidity she sees some random woman in her home possibly engaged in sexual activity with her husband. I’m sure that works wonders for a woman already in constant confusion and panic and fear to see her husband cheating on her with her own eyes without giving a shit right in front of her. It’s a bummer taking care of Alzheimer’s people I know my grandfather went out with it and it took him down fast and hard he forgot who I even was even his current wife and sometimes his daughters oddly enough I don’t think he ever once forgot my mother they were very close. He stumbled around with her name often but he always knew he would say that’s my baby girl I know her. I’m sure in one of his moments of lucidity he would have loved to see his wife hanging all over another man while claiming it’s stressful to take care of you even though it seems that’s what she’s been doing for nearly three decades for this dirty old bastard.

  3. Way to go! Kick her when she’s down because you need to get your selfish needs met! So much for “better or worse”. Don’t think God will bless your adulterous relationship, chump. He won’t. Repent.

  4. This guy sounds like he thinks he is a hero…. this is disgusting…. I understand personally the ramifications of Alzheimer’s disease on a family but that doesn’t excuse adultery!

  5. I am completely disgusted by this man and his behavior. To say he loves his wife but shouldn’t be expected to give up his life shows his true character. Whatever happened to in sickness and health till death do us part…my mother suffers from dementia and I can’t imagine my father treating her so disrespectfully. Of course the justification is “she doesn’t even know”, but you and your girlfriend certainly do. I’m just thankful you’re not my husband or father.

  6. This is so truly disrespectful of his wife who is sick. I hope she has an advocate who can check up on her periodically and make sure this asshole hasn’t emptied all of her bank accounts and given them to his live-in girlfriend. He says he loves his wife but he can’t let her “take away his life”. I am sure if your wife had her druthers, she would rather not have Alzheimer’s and be terminally ill. How about you be a man and suck it up for a few more years until your real wife dies and then move your girlfriend into the house? If you can’t handle dealing with your wife, then hire nursing professionals to help take care of her, you know someone who can give her 100%, which obviously you can’t with a girl friend in the house.

  7. OK…..have I lost my mind or what….you have BALLS…This woman put you on the map. With her style and class. You have the nerve to parade the other white woman around on your arm…To the other woman…were are your morals…they are not divorce ….while he and his wife deal with her issues. What ever happen to sicken or health…not crazy and more crazy because I have a problem. BROTHER, it I can call you that. Oh wow…not here to judge ….that not my place but enjoyed while you can

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