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Mom Left Devastated After Friend Tells Her She Didn’t Give Birth ‘Properly’ Following C-Section

A mom admits that she has been left discouraged after her friend discredited the way in which she gave birth to her child.

According to a post on Mumsnet, a user by the name of “Reallyreallyreally1” said her friends discredited her birth story because she had to have a c-section.

She explained:

So I had a baby boy 5 months ago and recently met up with some friends whose children are older. Haven’t seen them since the baby.

I generally don’t talk about the birth because no one really wants to know about someone else’s experience, but they did ask so I briefly told them (induction, back to back labour til fully dilated, pushing with episiotomy and forceps, emcs).

However, the mom did not expect the reaction she ultimately received from her friends after sharing her birth story with them.

Mel Elías/ Unsplash

According to “Reallyreallyreally1,” her friends accused her of not really knowing what it is like to have a baby because she had a c-section:

One of them said ‘so you’ve come away from that thinking that you know what it’s like to have a baby’. Wtf does that even mean? I said ‘I don’t get what you mean by that!’

She said ‘you’ve not given birth properly, you’ve not been in transition, you’ve only done the easy bit. So many women think they’ve given birth but they have no idea’.

The mom admitted that she didn’t know how to react to her friend’s comments so they “just changed the subject.”

However, she did say that her friend’s words “left a nasty taste” in her mouth, but is now left wondering if her friend is “right”:

Maybe she’s right and I’ve only had the easy bit (in which case I would hate to see the next bit!!) but surely no one really thinks like this about labour?

My other friend didn’t agree but didn’t necessarily disagree; she said that a section is the easy option but if your body can’t give birth properly then it’s not your fault.

Now the mom wants to know if this is how most people view c-sections as a form of childbirth. However, other Mumsnet user assured the mom that isn’t the case:

That person is not a friend. What a horrible thing to say.

She sounds horrid. Of course you’ve given birth – your baby has been born so you must have done! And it sounds like your birth was much harder than mine, where my baby did come out vaginally. Ignore her…

Err… no. They sound ridiculous. And actually for me, actually pushing the baby out was the easy bit! The hard bit was the hours and hours of contractions leading up to it.

Your friend’s attitude is disgraceful and shocking. I would definitely distance myself from her. Who the hell does she think she is to be so judgemental.

How would you handle this type of situation?

What do you think?

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18 Comments

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  1. Your friend needs to be educated. No one prefers a C-section, but they are done for many reasons sometimes when the baby could be or is in distress or to protect mom. Having a vaginal birth or C-section doesn’t define you not experiencing birth. You carried this precious little baby and you gave it life. Sometimes we have to reevaluate who our friends really are. When a friend says something like yours did I wonder if that friend has some insecurities about what type of mother she herself will be. For their information a section is not the easy way to go. That is a surgery and there are many risks involved with surgery. I know because I worked in the OR at one time and we did C-sections.

  2. I gave birth 3 times and was there for the birth of 3 grandchildren. My 4th grandchild was a emergency c-section, and let me tell you my daughter went thru hell . I and my first daughter had it so easy compared to my second daughter. She tried for what seemed like forever and they had her doing things in labor I’d never seen or heard of. They kept telling her she was progressing which turned out to be wrong. Because between her small pelvic size and the babies huge head, it just wasn’t happening they, finally did a c-section and he was a strapping 10 lb baby and her firstborn. So you did your best I’m sure but something’s are beyond our control. I’m sure it wasn’t easy on you either and not your choice. This hateful woman is one of those people that has to demean others to make herself feel superior. Don’t give her the power. Hold your head up proud MAMA !!!!

  3. A C-section is the easy way out?!?!! How about the months of recovery from adominal surgery while taking care of a new born… Not to mention with my first one I almost bled to death from complications! Not a real birth? Go ride your high horse on out of here and mind your mouth. I can not believe how everyone thinks they need to say their oppinion on your life. Mind your business and I will mind mine!

  4. OMG, if you grew a baby in your body, and then that baby came out of your body, you have GIVEN BIRTH. There is no proper or improper way to give birth! What kind of self-righteous bull caca is that?? While i don’t agree with scheduling a c-section, it’s not my body, not my child, so it’s not my business. Whether you schedule a c-section, give birth naturally, give birth with the help of drugs and an epidural, have an unscheduled c-section, or whatever, you have given birth. Like someone else said, you need to find new friends. It makes me wonder what their opinion of breastfeeding versus formula feeding is, and as far as that’s concerned, you do what is best for you and your child. As long as your child is getting the nutrients s/he needs, it doesn’t matter if it’s from the breast or bottle. Take care of yourself and your baby and keep it moving, hopefully away from those stuck up fools.

  5. I had a C-section and a V-Bac and let me tell you, they are both very real births. The C-section was more difficult and more difficult to recover from. Your “friend” is quite ignorant in her comments and very ride to have the audacity to say such things.

  6. so, I gave birth to all 4 of my children naturally, what a blessing. But both of my grown daughters had to have c-sections because of medical problems, mostly the babies were in distress. Let me tell you, I was with my youngest daughter both times when she had to have a c-section and talk about brutal, giving birth natural is a cake walk compared. Furthermore, who cares how you deliver that baby, as long as they are healthy and whole. Don’t let negative people steal your joy, you’re a new Mom and nothing’s more special than that.

  7. What a complete idiot. I would have told her so too. I have two kids, both had to be delivered by c section. I have NEVER had someone tell me that I didn’t give birth properly. (As if there are rules and regulations one is to follow in giving birth.) This is like saying.there.is a proper way to go about putting in your shoes, or to how you get out if bed, or take a shower. Some people are just stupid. Since you have a five month old baby and know it came out of your body….then you gave birth.

  8. I just want to say that this woman is totally wrong. My wife gave birth to four very healthy children the only she could after we nearly lost our first born during child birth. I was not allowed in on that one as it was an emergency C section but after talking it through with her I was there on the next three. I am not saying that a regular child birth is any easier I get that but unless you have actually been in the delivery room when they cut her open and watch the procedure you have no idea what this is like. Trust me this is not for the faint of heart to watch but on the other hand it is truly amazing to watch what the doctors can do to bring a new life into this world. I should also mention that it is not as easy for them to bounce back after this. I grew up in a family with seven sisters so I have heard the pros and cons on both as one of my sisters has gone down same path with three chidren.

  9. I had 2 vaginal births and 2 c sections. 1st was an emergency with a prolapsed cord and the 2nd was because having had a prior c section, my baby was too big to go for a vaginal. While they are different procedures, the both have pros and cons but are both definitely giving birth. Some people just make very uneducated comments

  10. Wow – your friend is pretty judgmental…….you carried to full term and you delivered a healthy baby…you survived and your child survived…..that’s the proper way to give birth……I had to deliver by c-section both times I gave birth……my children were too big for my body to deliver naturally. If I hadn’t had an emergency c-section after 27 hours of labor my first time – My son and I would have both died – he was in distress and I was on the verge of a stroke…..I certainly didn’t want to have my child that way – but it was the difference between life and death for us both. I think I would be looking for a new friend…..

  11. This just burns my biscuits!!! I had my first two children vaginally and my youngest by c-section. I begged to have my middle child by c-section but my obgyn wouldn’t listen. I was born with a rare condition in my brain called an AVM. Now most people don’t know what it is, so basically it put me AND my child at risk of dying. I could have exerted myself too much and caused a brain bleed. I wasn’t diagnosed until after my first daughter. I scheduled my c-section with my youngest so I wouldn’t have to worry about my child or myself and let me tell you what… healing from a c-section is NOT fun. It’s exceptionally painful. So screw her and all of her judgements. I have respect for ALL mothers, but a bit more so for the c-section mommas!!

  12. I totally agreed … I have a question… Now My son father keep telling me that i aint no real mother nor woman caise i didnt push the baby out is that correct… Am i less of a woman cause i had to get a c section done…can someone please answer this
    ..Thank u.

  13. I have had 2 c-sections I was that my last son wouldn’t make it. And he didn’t but I can promise you that you gave birth no matter how your baby was born recovery from a c-section is not easy. You have weeks that you have to keep a eye on the incision and hope and pray that it doesn’t get infected. Then you also have the weeks of physical pain. Where as once the baby is delivered vaginally and the pain is over within minutes. Yes you gave birth. You put your body on the line to make sure that your baby is safe and healthy. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.

  14. Had my 1st 27 years ago by c-section. Worked out great. Number 2 was not full term but was not not c-section. He did only weigh 4 lbs. He. Is now 27 and as healthy as a horse. There are no differences regarding how they were delivered, they are loved by all and are the best of friends. Live together for about 4 yrs now.

    I think that your “friends” should keep their opinions to themselves. Are they really good friends?

  15. Almost everyone here is referring to the person with the insulting comments , the woman saying this is harsh, rude, wrong, insecure and I have to agree to all of the above with the exception of constantly calling her a woman, she is a junior high girl, that’s it in a nutshell and sadly she may not be up to actually parenting with empathy and without judgement… her poor child ,if she does not grow up and figure life out before her child learns all this child like behaviors from her!! Put this nonsense in your rearview and this other mom, she is a Debbie Downer & will be a negative draw….Life is much too short to endure fake or envious relationships…. Move on with head held high….& love for your little in your heart…

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