A new father took to Reddit to question whether or not he was being negligent in his parenting responsibilities — and he got a slew of different responses.

The Reddit user said he told his wife that he won’t help take care of their twins overnight because he works and she doesn’t. He explained:

Wife and I just had twins 3 weeks ago. I work while she does not. I help whenever I’m not working but have told my wife she has to cover the overnights as I need sleep for work.

He later added that he works “72-84 hours per week, 12 hour shifts.” But his wife doesn’t feel that means he shouldn’t help at night, the dad said:

She thinks it’s unfair however she can take two hour naps while they sleep while i can’t do that at my job. We even have a nanny that was here 4 out of 5 work days this week. I’m up early on the weekends and take care of them while she sleeps in.

The dad said that the nanny is their housekeeper, who helps the mother most days, and that he assists when he gets off work. He concluded:

I’m not trying to get out of doing my part but [Am I the A**hole?]

AITA for not wanting to get up at night to help with our twins? from r/AmItheAsshole

Many Reddit users suggested that the dad should have thought about the care that goes into raising kids before having them.

One commenter said he was in the wrong:

[You’re the a**hole]. Getting up at night is an inevitable part of parenting. You signed up for this when you had kiddos.

Others defended the dad and said that the mother needs to step up. A commenter said:

Most people about the topic seem to read only the headline. You are the only one working and you have a nanny. She has to step up.

Many commenters also suggested that the mother is likely still recovering from childbirth if she had twins and that the father should be mindful of that.

Do you think the father should have to help out overnight? Let us know in the comments.

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16 Replies to “Dad Asks if He Should Have to Help Stay-at-Home Wife With Newborns at Night: ‘She Thinks It’s Unfair’”

  • Matt 2 years ago

    Dad, you seem to work very hard. Mom is likely more in tune to what your babies need at night. But remember the baby experience passes quickly, and one day you will wish you got up more nights to feed or hold them. I did exactly what you did with my first, and now I have few memories of him as a baby. My wife did 100% of the baby care, so I worked all day every day. I regret that.

  • Anonymous 2 years ago

    Holy cow… She has it made. I have 2 special needs kids so it’s rough. I’m also a single mom. My opinion would be 100% different if the mom was the only one doing the work but she has no household chores AND has a nanny? Wow. I’m jealous. No in this case he is not the asshole. I’m leaning towards the wife being slightly spoiled.

  • Peggy Johnson 2 years ago

    I think the Mom is ungrateful & spoilt! How n her right mind could she expect the poor man 2 put n anymore x & effort?? She gets almost as much sleep as the babies! That’s the name of the game, when the babies sleep the momma sleeps!

  • Anonymous 2 years ago

    In my opinion, if both have jobs besides parenting/homemaking, both should take turns at night. However, if one of them does not have an outside job, s/he should take the night time duty. Even more so when that person has additional help besides.

  • linda 2 years ago

    I think the wife is spoiled rotten a nanny so she can sleep durin the day then she wants husband to take over so she can sleep more really give me a break he is workin his ass of everyday for her and kids he helps as soon as he gets home till his bedtime for god sakes let the poor man sleep

  • Dave 2 years ago

    I believe she needs to give the man a break. My wife is a stay home mom and when my daughter was born i help as much as i could at night. Now we have triplets coming in july and no nanny just me and her

  • Mandy 2 years ago

    I have an almost 4 month old baby boy. I went back to work 2 months after I gave birth to him and I am the one who works a full time job which has me up at 4 am Monday-Friday for 9 hour shifts. That being said my boyfriend is on his last semester for his bachelor degree, working on an art show presentation and doing an internship. He always takes the night shift with our son so I can sleep even though he is up 3 hours after I am in the morning. I don’t know what I would do without my boyfriend going above and beyond. No offense to your wife and I know 2 babies are twice the work as one but she has it incredibly easy.

  • Anonymous 2 years ago

    I think out of respect to her husband who has to go to work she should do the night that’s what I did knowing that I could sleep when the babies slept through out the day. especially she has a nanny please must work together love and respect

  • Mary Lear 2 years ago

    No, Dad should not have to get up when he works, I think in his days off he will want to get up sometimes

  • Lillian 2 years ago

    I nursed all of mine and am grateful for every time they woke me up at night. I don’t know how bottle feeding mothers can do it. I am just a little proud that they grew because of me.
    My spouse and I both worked but I was the one who got to feed them and play with them at night. They don’t remember but I do and smile at the sweet memories. Why would this women want her spouse to cover nights when he is providing for all of them? If he offered to help on this day off or when he’s home that’s enough. Is it his you do it attitude or her I’m too weak attitude? For millennia, women worked all day and cared for babies all night.
    in much of the world they still do.

  • Nancy 2 years ago

    You are the furthest thing from an a$$ho!e I have ever heard of. If all you say is true, you’re doing a great job as a new Dad! My children were all born in the 1970’s, I got up every night. I worked full time 6 wks after each one was born. Your wife is very lucky.

  • Tiffany 2 years ago

    This is wife is lazy and self centered. She has a nanny. Her husband works 5x as hard as any man. A) she should be GRATEFUL that they can financially afford to hire a nanny on one income B) the average mother/single mother does this all on her own with less or no help and little income. If he was out there cheating or staying out, it would be an issue BUT this man brings home the whole pig not just the bacon. Any other man would have left her. This is why hard working men leave because women like this are never satisfied. Maybe she would like it if he quit his job and apply for welfare at least she would get all the help she is whining about. I’m sorry but to maintain his job he needs to sleep. It takes two to make kids. Just like he should have considered the work it takes so should she. We women complain when a man is not bringing home the bacon then we still complain when we get the CHOICE to be stay at home moms. She gets no sympathy from me. She has help. If any man is faithfully financially taking care of household without asking the wife to work, there should be 0 to complain about.

  • S.K Jimenez PhD 2 years ago

    I know how the new Mom feels, but he does work 12 hour days. If he’s helping on the weekends, and you have help during the week days, so you can take a nap. Then I don’t think he should have to get up and help at night. I know two are a hand full ;how ever I know you are capable.

    I had 4 babies and nursed all of them, so my husband wasn’t needed. I’m glad he slept!

    God Bless and luck.

  • Marsha 2 years ago

    the mom needs to grow up, and stop being selfish. NO the dad shouldn’t get up during the night to help.

  • Dianne knight 2 years ago

    DO NOT have MORE. Selfish, wife, selfish mom, spoiled beyond measure wife. He should and probably does help when he is off work, but at night after a 12 hour day, maybe wife should work and he stay at home so she understands better what he does for his family. I used to enjoy getting up with mine, mine all alone to love,rock and feed, didn’t have to share with anyone else, sweet memories of those nights.

  • Anonymous 2 years ago

    Has anyone considered that she may be suffering from post partum depression?

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