Reddit user UnlikelyWorry sought out advice from her fellow Redditors after the way her fiancé behaved when his favorite sports teams would lose started getting old. They’ve been together for the last five years.Jenna Norman/Unsplash
He has always been this way according to him, which is part of the reason why he claims that it’s unfair for me to ask him to change, but I didn’t really get exposed to his mood swings and bad attitudes until we moved in together 3 years ago. I wasn’t sure exactly what to think at first. I do have a father and brothers who are crazy about sports but not to the extremes my fiance goes. I thought maybe over time he would get better, but so far that hasn’t happened and I don’t know how much more of it I can deal with.
He has 3 teams he really follows, and whenever they lose it puts him in a bad mood. I know by now that if one of them loses not to expect any help from him with our son [6 months] for the rest of the night or really anything from him. It usually means he’s going to shut himself in his office and he doesn’t want to be bothered for the rest of the night so whatever has been planned will be canceled. The only other option is to do it anyway and then deal with him sulking the whole time we’re out.
UnlikelyWorry went on to say:
I have tried to be reasonable and flexible. I don’t want to nag him or interfere with him being able to follow his teams, but I hate that it spills over to such an extent that if his teams lose then it ruins our weekend or cuts him off from our son and me. The problem is that my fiance doesn’t see this as a problem. Whenever I do try to bring up my concerns I’m met with a “you knew I was this way when we started dating” or he says I don’t understand how important this is to him and if I did then I wouldn’t bother him about it or try to shame him. I really don’t think he realizes how bad he gets because he is used to acting this way and has for a long time.
I’m just so tired though of having to plan our entire lives around his moods and pray that his team wins just so I can have my fiance in a good mood, but I don’t know what to do since he thinks I’m exaggerating because I want to take away his sports.
Over 100 people responded to the mom’s issue, many suggesting that she leave her fiancé, while others begged the mom to never let their son’s father coach his little league teams:
As a youth sports coach…FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT EVER LET HIM SIGN YOUR SON UP FOR ANY SPORTS TEAMS. Your fiance will be a coaches worst nightmare.
I mean— it sounds like a dealbreaker to me. I don’t get the intensity here— isn’t watching sports supposed to be fun? You’ve tried to discuss it with him and this is his line in the sand— he’s lived so long with people meeting his ridiculous demands to watch games (p.s. PVR anyone?) that to him, it’s just “who he is.” So stop. Stop planning your life around him, at the bare minimum, make plans on game days and take your kid with you. Leave him to sulk. Make plans to get out.
As a guy, this would be a deal-breaker for sure. It’s a bunch of grown men playing a game of sorts that I have no control over. Sure it sucks when they lose, but that’s it. Absolutely zero impact on my life.
He already gave you his answer, which is basically “I do what I want, suck it”. He’s not gonna change, he doesn’t want to. He thinks this s**t is acceptable. Apparently, you don’t. You’re either going to have to change your mind about how stupid he acts and just accept it or leave him.
Yikes. I love my sports teams, but when they lose…I move on. It’s sports. They’re supposed to be fun. I’ve had a couple heartbreaking playoff game loses that I’ve gone through, but to get as angry as he does? Yikes again. Dude sounds like a loser.
He sulks, throws tantrums, throws objects, screams, eschews all responsibility to his family, and feels zero remorse for any of it. You should leave. He might realize you’re serious, or he might be relieved to have uninterrupted game-viewing time. Either way, you should leave.
Stop letting him walk all over you and ignore his responsibilities. Don’t adjust your plans for a stupid game. Tell him he needs to start acting like an adult and the real threat his childishness is posing to the relationship and your family.
This behavior is totally mental. Here are your options: Put up with this behavior for the rest of your life. Force him to go to counseling (perhaps as couples counseling). Leave. I would personally recommend leaving.
UnlikelyWorry admitted that her fiancé “is a good partner otherwise,” so she would consider going to counseling if that meant she didn’t have to put up with this type of behavior for the rest of her life.
How would you handle a situation like this?